Shadow Man

    In the evening, I stroll in the gentle breeze
    I can feel him follow,he is between the trees
    When I continue on to the sandy beach
    I can see his shadow,within my reach
    As the moon shines down to light the land
    I can almost feel his ice cold hand
    He is weaving his fingers through my hair
     When I turn to face him,there is no one there
     He whispers his love into my ear
    But I am alone, I shake with fear
     I run like mad down the shore
     He wails "You are mine forevermore"
    "Who are you?" I scream,"show your face to me"
    "For how can I love,what I cannot see?"
     A strong gust of wind,chills me to the bone
    "Fear not"says noone, "You aren't alone"
    "Wherever you go, I will right behind"
    "There is not a place you can go, That i will not find."
     My body stiffens, In a terrible fright
      I am being stalked,by a ghost in the night
     "Leave me," I plead, for you I dont know"
      "I do not love you, I want you to go"
      Then he laughed,a terrible sound
      Suddenly, my body hits the ground
      "Oh I leaving, my sweet, but you are coming with me "
     "Where it can be you and I for eternity"
      Who is this phantom,why is it me that he haunts?
      And what have I done, to make me that he wants?
       I scramble to my feet,and run for the sea
      He is still laughing"you cant escape me!"
      I feel the waves crash over my head
      "Yes my darling you soon will be dead"
     The quick as a flash, I feel a light on my face
      It is morning and I wake to a warm, secure place
     I laugh at myself, I am in my own bed
     It was just i dream silly, you still have your head.
     Then my heart stops cold,I was just a night mare,
     Then why is there sand in my toes,and sea weed in my hair








'

— greeneyes, Aug 15, 2009

About the Author

Country/Region: Colorado Springs Colorado

Favorite Poets: I love Dr. Suess! He is my favorite, I would love to write for children.

Critiques

Race_9togo

16 years 10 months ago

This is good

It could do with some editing, some work on the pacing and cadence perhaps, but you capture the events well and the terror, and although the subject is a little overdone, you had me reading until the very nice ending! Well done. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Ravenshakti

16 years 10 months ago

Spell-weaving

Dear Green Eyes, I love the way you mesmerize me with your poems... You have a fine touch...with subjects I love... I love my Shadow... he is someone I can always depend on. So I embrace him... with delight. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. And I love how you end it! It ends like an enigma. I love enigmas. Bright Weavings, dear friend. Raven

Sharon Piett

16 years 10 months ago

ending

I do like the ending. The whole poem is great, but I particularly like the ending.

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Green Eyes

Again your reaching and it shows, your working hard ... I only have one nit to pick (for me)There is soo many his and him and he ... I think it distracts from what is a wonderful piece I really like this one I think it might be my favourite so far of yours ... great work !!! ... I'll be back for the edits, for I would like to give it a five ... love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

thank you poets!

I thank everyone of you for your comments and suggestions. They are important to me.

Tam the Chanter

16 years 10 months ago

Shadow man

Green Eyes, You have a 5 star story here, and with a little bit of polishing you WILL have a 5 star poem. Very well done, my girl , excellent, I really enjoyed the read Regards Ian

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

thankyou

I will work on my polishing.Thank you so much.

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in