Gifts from the Birds

Thunderous applause
as two flocks come together
silhouetted, flickering black
against marshmallow sky

thousands of wings, whipping
smacking the air
precision chaos
dancing flight

weaving quickness
suddenly cresting
and falling
the waves of the evening

Just as I thank them
there's a loud splat!
on the picnic blanket
(their own 'thankyou'
just missing me)

and before the very eyes
which were gifted this sight
a single, solitary feather
winds and turns, pirouhetting
circling to land
with perfect delicacy
upon the same grass
I perch on

— faerybeki, Jul 06, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Beki,

beautiful description of the birds in flight, I could see them. But I must say I expected bird droppings to go with the splat! sound. Maybe the last stanza could use a revision... only I cannot think of any suggestions right now, it's late (again). I'll be coming back when I can make suggestions. Love, ~Nina

faerybeki

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Nina, thanks for stopping

Hi Nina, thanks for stopping by and picking that up, I had hoped the splat and the -s on gift in the title may have been enough to imply the bird shit was too condidered as a gift. I've added a bit and would be interested to know if you think it makes a difference in the last stanza, always appreciate your comments Nina, much love Beki xx

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Beki,

I think I can now see where the last stanza could be improved. How about splitting it into two stanzas, one for the droppings and one for the feather? I think the first line of your new last stanza should be "and before the very eyes". What do you think? Much love, ~Nina

faerybeki

16 years 11 months ago

Nina, I think that’s a

Nina, I think that's a good idea and the perfect place to break it up, might make the poem look a bit more tidy too :) will edit momentarily. Thank you Nina, much love Beks x