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infinite_dwarf
infinite_dwarf
Jun 20, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Day in Neopoet

There’s many a time I’ve come to this conclusion
through dedication and mutual exclusion
Every thought, line, word has been met with perusal
Before receiving the fate of my refusal

Highlighting it, erasing it; rinse and repeat
Before deciding the work is at last complete
It awaits the fire, it awaits close scrutiny
And comments of what stumbles; specifically

Then it’s back to the drawing board for some changing
A comma, a word, and some slight rearranging
Furiously pondering each space and letter
A sigh of relief as I read “that’s much better!”
— infinite_dwarf, Jun 20, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

More from this author

Critiques

S

Skumpfsklub

16 years 11 months ago

Close enough to resonate for me, and probably

for most of us here, aside from those 'initial gush' poets who write a single draft and call it done. ---------------- Jess, you don't really need that approval, do you? Isn't it more the case that what you want is that feedback that tells that you got through to another with the exact sense you had ad initio? Or, as is more likely, that you're getting through to others more or less effectively? The latter, more modest aim that allows you to quit a poem without making a lifetime career of it, seems to me the sane approach, and natural to you. You'll probably get a few comments on the melody of your piece. It does have some lumpy stretches--but I don't doubt that you already know where those are. I'll keep an eye on the piece, in its further development. Perry
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

point duly noted, Perry.

Yes and yes.. *laughs* You're correct on the second part. I hope to communicate effectively with whoever has taken the time to read, and like it when everyone's on the same page. I also like knowing that everything is grammatically and structurally correct. Good folks like you are the ones I count on to guide me on a straight path. Quirky melody - would you be able to give me exact lines to look at? I do have to be very careful to make sure that any revisions I make still fall within the set guidelines as listed in my 'last words' section, but will be more than happy to mess about with it and see if I am able to make it flow a little better. Thanks again. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
Rett

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Ahhhh Jess

Been there a million times and more. Quite well described and almost perfectly executed. No approval needed. As Perry said, it is lumpy in spots but... *G* Respectfully, Rett: "God made an idiot for practice, then he made a school board." Mark Twain For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Rett

I was hoping one of you two gents (or both!) could point out what lines are in question, as I still have time to amend them if I can. Thanks for stopping by. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
Rett

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Jess, I wanted to but the changes

would take it out of consideration for the contest. The first line itself rhythm -wise is half a beat off. too many. There are a couple more places, but that is the reason I didn't point them out. Respectfully, Rett: "God made an idiot for practice, then he made a school board." Mark Twain For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Jess ...

We have all been there .. but you have told it with style , love your picture I collect dragons .. Much Love Jayne x
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Thank you, JC

That picture is being very seriously taken into consideration for a tattoo I'd like to have done. I hope you're feeling better. Thanks for stopping in. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
I

IKnowNoBox

16 years 11 months ago

A summary

of workshops, and a poem. Way to ride to the contest. in ink, Dabbler
I

IKnowNoBox

16 years 11 months ago

A summary

of workshops, and a poem. Way to ride to the contest. in ink, Dabbler
I

IKnowNoBox

16 years 11 months ago

A summary

of workshops, and a poem. Way to ride to the contest. in ink, Dabbler
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks, David (x3) !

for your comments. They are appreciated. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

TY

for the read and comments. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 11 months ago

This was a huge task that

This was a huge task that you completed admirably. So it's not perfect? Well I'd like to read a poem that is with the stipulations/guidelines: 12 lines, 12 syllables, each rhyming word 2+ syllables. In any case Jess, well done! I like the poem just to read as is even without knowing the semantics. ~A h"There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic." Anais Nin
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Anna

Unfortunately, not too much wiggle room for revisions. I'm thinking on just leaving it for now, as the things I have come up with then pull it outside the guidelines. Glad you like it as it stands, though. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

LOL

Thanks, man. Thanks for dancing across my page. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
deelilah

deelilah

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Jess

I really liked this. I thought it was tight, and read just right, though I was not so diligent to count the syllables (I count them in my sleep and that's enough). The subject is so true, too. Yours, Deelilah
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Dee

I actually am working on a revision at the moment. A couple 13 syllable lines were brought to my attention, and some very good suggestions were made to help with the flow problems in the first stanza. It's been a slow and tedious affair, as I literally am looking up each word to see exactly how many syllables it is supposed to have - my view of a word, and the actual correct word are apparently two different things in some cases. Hopefully I'll have everything complete by the 30th! Thanks for coming by. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
Rett

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

I can't help but wonder how

people are pronouncing Fire (one syllable) when several people have said they thought it was two syllables (fire uh?) and I thought I was the one with the thick southern accent. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." Rett
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks again, all.

Dictionary has it as one syllable, though it certainly sounds like two. I say it 'fye-er'. Luckily enough, the dictionary also lists 'every' as being two syllables. I say it 'ev-er-y', and therefore thought it was three, bringing that one line to 13 syllables. LOL, so utterly confusing!!! ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 11 months ago

You crack me up Rett, not

You crack me up Rett, now put me back, right side up. ;-) One of my dearest friends was from Texas... she never left that Texan drawl, even as she took it with her when she died, and oh, how I miss it. (hi Emarie!!) Love n hugs, Anna "There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic." Anais Nin
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

16 years 11 months ago

Good for you Jess

As I have already said a similar comment to Kelsey. It's good to share the pain of looking up the words for pacing and flow. I do have one note, not about the poem, but about the dictionary. At times there will be alternate pronunciations which may clip a syllable from a word and we should always remember that we can clip out syllables our own damn self through the use of apostrophes thus making: Over - o'er (2 - 1) secretary - sec'try (4 - 2) perhaps - p'r'aps (2 -1) Jonathan - asshole (3 - 2) --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Agreed

Though I'm quite sure my spoken words oftentimes are not accepted by ANY dictionary! *laughs* Thanks for the website links - the rhyming one is particularly useful. :) ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull