Your Spirit Flys With Doves ...

Right before me
three doves flew
they'd come to say
goodbye to you

Your spirit dwells
within our minds
memory tracks
to better times
your humble manner
the way you talked
even in the
step you walked

You loved our family
with all of your heart
Its hard to imagine
they made us part

Your hold on life
was so strong
I heard you sing
a country song
your notes so high
touching gods eye
A teardrop
rolled down from the sky

Our hearts are broken
the pain still fresh
its like a searing
of the flesh

I know you'd tell me
to stop the tears
and probably box
me round the ears

Yet
In this
night
having given
your dues
gods three doves
soar in memory of you

— Seren, Jun 17, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Bosscombat

16 years 11 months ago

RIP

A very well written ode to a lost brother I bet he would be proud! Snake told me the story bout the 3 doves.. And I think you've created a masterpeice. There's no rain on his parade. <3

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Awwwwwwwwww Matty ...

You make me cry darlin .... speachless , from you those words are like finding a gold nugget .. Love you brother Jayne x x x

Bosscombat

16 years 11 months ago

Rated

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Matty ...

Ok I have settled down now …. I didnt realise you knew the story of the doves …. and that you worked out what I was on about … it blew me away to be honest …. thank you for the read I am so glad you liked this , and I hope Wayne is proud it was all for him … love you Jayne x x For anyone else that reads this poem …. Last sunday just after our brother passed away , my son who plays football for a local team had a minutes silence in memory of him … In that minute I witnessed one of lifes unexpected miracles …. as the minute started three doves flew up from behind a small hill and just hovered in mid air for ages … and then as the horn went off for the start of the game the doves slowly went back behind the hill … it was eerie but beautiful so I wove that moment into this poem for that will stay with me for the rest of my days , it was like god had sent his own tribute to Wayne … OHHHHHHHHHHH and Matty I think I am going senile I just got your message , in the rain on his parade line ... it was weird then as well it had poured rain for two days , STILL IS , but for the hour we laid him to rest it was a clear sky ... two miracles in one week ... I ask for nothing more ... love you Jayne x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 11 months ago

I am left wondering why you chose three

with all of your heart.......do you need OF? The rhythm seems to manage without it. OR keep that line as it is and in the last one put ......they tore us apart ? Your hold on life was so strong...............could have a little more possibly here? An adjective? I heard you sing a country song your notes so high touching gods eye..................Here's God too, he always is given a capital as he is who he is if one thinks he IS. A teardrop rolled down from the sky........could it be rolling down from the sky, making the notes into the shapes of tears. I know you’d tell me to stop the tears.....................those sobs......so as not to repeat tears? Or does it HAVE to rhyme always? and probably box me round the ears Yet In this night having given your dues............................due.....is it necesary with the S? gods three doves.................is it God's? The Almighty? soar in memory of you Not totally sure of the change of shape to the line of the verse? Just me throwing our thoughts for yor perusal Seren with love from Ann of Norway

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Ann

I chose three because there was actually three doves flying that inspired this and I felt in being true to Wayne , I wanted that included more a senitmental thing than anything , this one is a tribute and I like some of your changes will have a look in a few days when the wounds a little less stingy and change it ... as always thanks for the visit to my page and thank you for your time , I am now trying to do a little helping myself , so i know it is time consuming but what a lovely way to enhance our hours by helping others , makes me feel a little fuller at the end of a day , though I am not the asset you are Ann your beautiful words fall in so many poems and you help so many people .. Much Love Jayne x

Nordic cloud

16 years 11 months ago

Oh I didn't want to worry you

and meant no harm, it was only because I liked it that I said something and it was only where i felt the rhythm could be just a little different, but none of it is necessary if you feel it is right as it is. I love the ideas, those three doves flying off, beautiful. Love Ann of Norway.

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

No harm and no foul ...

Dearest Ann you didnt worry me a bit , and I really do like some of your changes , am going to incorporate them into it in a few days when I have recharged the emotional battery im running on empty at the moment , but thank you this poem is having some special treatment its getting music writen to it by one of our friends , who is a wonderful composer so any improvements are much appreciated ... Much Love Jayne .. its 5am cant sleep and the rain is pouring down in buckets here ...