New and Improved Carols

Dashing through the snow
in a Caddy Escapade
over pot holes we go
wallets crying all the way
mobile cell phones ring
more annoyingly than not
one more telemarketer
and I'll smash this phone tonight... OH!

Christmas hell, Christmas hell
please just go away!
Why can't all this shit
just come another day!

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Apple Ipods, hear 'em ringin'?
Silver Ipods, they be blingin'!
These things they invent
cost more than the rent
Walking in a mood of dispair.

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Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
but he didn't pay his utilities
and they said "off it goes."

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names
now they're sitting in prison
'cause they didn't pay off their dames.

Then one foggy Chistmas eve
the IRS came to say
Santa, do your taxes right
or we'll reposess your sleigh tonight!

So then the Elves were fired
To save Santa money
and he said to himself
"this is the most fucked up Christmas...in...historyyyyyy!"

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