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Forbidden Language


The words you'll hear
will not be liquid gold,

but will assault and
penetrate your very soul.
Then you'll know how far
you'll go to hear my special
rapture.

I do see the fear
you have for words
you can not understand,

but if by chance you want to
learn the words of my
forbidden language.

Please come to me
and I will free you, from
all your worldly bondage.

So take from me all you can
and use it to escape,

the ones who use their practised
words to try and always woo you.

So look to me so you can hear
a true substantial language.

And when we're done,
you'll know the words
that bring the love,

you always have deserved.
— Eduardo Cruz, Aug 30, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...

More from this author

Critiques

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 9 months ago

Really Good writing

Smiles:) Barbara Little hard to read in present format. Otherwise good portrayal of a forbidden language as if playing with fire. did you mean but or put?
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Eduardo...

this is a good write that if presented a bit more polished would be very well received.. the one line I thought might need something was in fact the spine of the poem... but it could be stronger if changed only a little ... I do, I do understand the fear you have for words you can not comprehend. this is only a suggestion.. and only my own thoughts on your piece.. feel free to disregard if you don't agree and feel free to tell me so. the use of the same word in the sentence in my view weakened the statement. Welcome to the site... Richard
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 9 months ago

comprehend

Richard, thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you, but I think it should be reversed; I do, I do comprehend the fear you have for words you can not understand. The word comprehend seems to strong as an end to that thought, because the person it is directed to has a fear of strong language. So what I'm telling the person is that I will teach them the magic of words.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

I agree...

and the sentence is much stronger.. I do, I do, can comprehend... I see you left the word ,can, in the line, I believe you could leave that word out... Richard
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 9 months ago

forbidden language

thank you but I like it much better with, "can comprehend", so I will leave it as is. again, thank you for your input.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Eduardo...

you are very welcome... I appreciate your entertaining my suggestions... and you are not even expected to listen to everything.. in fact.. I am often wrong and read a poem much different than the author intends.. again let me welcome you and thank you for your warm response... Richard
PF

Poetic Fluffer

17 years 9 months ago

Intresting piece

Words to comprehend--will be "heard" or "seen" differently in almost every person that reads any piece of poetry. Defined as how they see, but do not change any words if that is how you meant it to be written. The spine of the poem (being the structure or form?) can always be played with, I do not know how you would like to be stacked--but if it reads like you meant it to be, leave it alone. Welcome. Intresting piece, who was your muse or should I ask why or what inspired you to pen this down? ~~Pfluffer
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 9 months ago

will be "heard" or "seen"

Pfluffer, inspired by the relationship of people who are afraid of the true langauge of love. People today are afraid to show their true feelings, for fear of being hurt. For me love is not just an experience of bliss but is all the things that incompass it. To be hurt is the ultimate experience of love, then you learn what love is and you can let go of the fantasy that is not love. thank you so very much for your comment. In the future I may or may not leave it alone. thanks again, Eddie PS; Emily Dickinson
whitetea

whitetea

17 years 8 months ago

>

I liked this, it's like how thought works.
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

thought

whitetea, thank you for stopping by to read. Eddie if a man does not know love, he does not know God
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 8 months ago

Eddie

did you mean the double 'I do' in stz 3? I love hearing people speak in their native language. They could be calling me every name in the book, and it still sounds beautiful to me.... forbidden language included. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer!" - "Constipated people don't give a shit..."
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Jess.

nuts to all the thoughts I changed it and it rolls better on the tongue. thanks again. Eddie
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 8 months ago

Eddie

This is a nice piece of poetry here! I do, I do can understand does not fit here for me. [that is just me] also "that bring the love" [that brings true love]or add an S to bring seems to fit better for me. But that is just my meager opinion Eddie~ "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

You know what,

Janice, Jess and you are correct, I am like water following the contours of the earth, from the Ping Fu. thank you so much to both of you!!! Eddie "if I trip on a can of beer, am I drunk?"
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

17 years 8 months ago

Eddie

I think this flows so much better with the editing! Thank you for being open to suggestions by us all! "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." Will Rogers
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

No,No!!!!

Thanks to all of you for all your help. To listen while someone slaps your baby down is hard, to accept it, is the first step to learning. thanks Janice, Eddie
Rett

Rett

17 years 8 months ago

Eddie

It looks like you have pretty much corrected everything suggested. I found it quite enjoyable and insightful. Somehow it reminds me that no matter what language a person speaks, love is one unto itself. When I was young I thought sex was the end all be all of love. Then I discovered that sex combined with true love, understanding and a desire to see to your partners need, to cuddle, to just hold hands or look into their eyes and see the same love shining back is the Ultimate in both sex and love. Good write sir. Respectfully, Rett: "We can all be thankful that Picasso wasn't a plastic surgeon." Rett
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Rett,

I Wrote a poem awhile back that speaks of how I looked at love when I was young, I think I'll look for it and post it. thanks for reminding me, and thank you for your thought out comment. Thanks, Eddie
A

Arrow

17 years 8 months ago

You deserve all the compliments you've received

on this well-revised work. I like the subtle use of rhyme. From a rhythm standpoint, I prefer to start lines with conjunctions and prepositions rather than end them. For example, "Please come to me and I will free you, () (from) all your worldly bondage." But that's probably just a personal preference. Good job.
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

I hear you!!

But I just want to say that my formal education is a GED. I went to the University of the Pavement and the College of all you can Read. I've read things that you could not believe. I have only started writing poetry eight month, this is a learning process for me, but I do appreciate your input. Again thank you, Eddie "do like the once barren tree: flourish, and like the planted seed: rise" Jose de Diego
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Dead on,

the pavement was Spanish Harlem, but thank God that I've always had and acute power of observation and the ability to process it. I've also been blessed with the fact that if you see me you under estimate me, you know me because of my writing. "holding to any single point loses the power of the larger pattern" Sun Tzu's Ping Fu Thanks again, Eddie
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 8 months ago

Eddie

Smiles:) Barbara I am awestruck at the revision eight months ago wow. with all the suggestion your inborn talent as rise to the occasion. PS Rett the things you say if only you could be clone. "S"
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Please,

Barbara don't be awestruck we are all equals no matter what formal education, or what part of this magnificent world we live at. you are to generous, and that's what I love about you, thanks, Eddie
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 8 months ago

All equals

Smiles:) Barbara modesty and humility is a poet best quality no matter the background come from the same source where blessings are abundant.
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Barbara,

what you just wrote is the beginning of a poem, run with it. Read it aloud you'll see what I mean that some deep words. Thanks, Eddie
P

prayersbyPatty

17 years 8 months ago

Eduardo I like your poem

I also have a secret language I speak, but no one would understand, not even myself when I talk to God. It is so the enemy does not understand. It comes from the spirit. Many say it is mumbo-jumbo but we shall see............... sincerely, Patty
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 8 months ago

Patty,

It's not a secret God Knows, It's the common language that we speak with him from our hearts. It's not mambo-jumbo thanks for stopping by, Eddie if a man does not know love, he does not know God
P

poewriter58

17 years 7 months ago

Eddie

that brings the love I would drop the "s" on brings otherwise good piece of wrting Chrys
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 7 months ago

Chrys,

I changed it as you mention, your right it is better. thanks I always appreciate your help! Eddie
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 7 months ago

Jeez this is weird

most others see romance where I see seduction. "but will assault and penetrate your very soul." come on, macho penetrative seduction, some might call it rape. "Then you’ll know how far you’ll go to hear my special rapture" = you'll be asking for it baby. "And when we’re done, you’ll know the words that bring the love, you always have deserved." =you'll end up seeing it my way, bitch. eeewww. cheers, Jess
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 7 months ago

Jess,

your sick, and you know that's ok! Just don't get caught, I'm not going to bail you out. LOL It's always Mac's point of view for you, that's what I find interesting about you. thanks Mac for the view From the other side. Eddie
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 7 months ago

I'm not sick, but I'm not well

hey! I said eeewwww. Really though I could have applied this feminist psycho-analysis to almost any love poem on the site with similar results. I chose you cos its more fun hooking marlin than jellyfish. My point is that your poem is not your own once its posted it belongs to your reader, and they can do with it what they will. What I said was extreme but the elements are all there. Look or ignore, your choice. by the way, who the fuck is Mac? cheers, Jess
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

17 years 7 months ago

Jess,

Machiavelli, your right you aren't well you forgot the chat room conversation. Let me see if maybe this will spark a memory in that head filled with useless information " you were a Chicken shit rigger", do you remember now our conversation. I always look and never ignore, I just file it away to use at a later time thanks, Eddie "Keep teasing I'm enjoying this" ("but I'm much better now, he said.")
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 7 months ago

Gimme a break

Mac is hardly a reference to Machiavelli. And I said I was scared my first morning up high, then loved it. You store up spite, not intelligent response. cheers, Jess