True LOVE

My Elaine is in Bostonso far away from Athens.That's the way life isthat's fate.Yet when she heard I had many problemsshe SMSdshe calledshe comforted meshe supported meshe CARED...That's why we love each otherso very, very much.Because we've seen the full moon rise togetherbecause we write each other romantic poemsbecause we walk on the beach togetherbecause we LOVE each other.Because we've promised each othereternal friendshipeternal supporteternal care. Because our two heartsbeat together in synch.Thank you my Elainefor standing by me so closely,,,

— dsaranti, Aug 07, 2008

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Country/Region: GRC

Critiques

Jonathan Moore

17 years 9 months ago

A couple of stylistic ideas and one minor change

You may want to used "texted" instead of "SMSd" merely to put it in a more familiar setting for others. As for the stylistic things: "she SMSd she called" Conveys information but not emotion. As a suggestion: "And when I checked my phone I saw the bright phosphor letters whispering 'I love you' and then from across half the world her voice was in my ear 'I love you.'" And: "eternal care. Because our two hearts beat together in synch." The former may be too much and the letters are not really phosphor but I believe it conveys a sharper emotion than 'glowing.' The latter is just placing a stylistic break to emphasis the punctuation. As always, these are just ideas, discard as you will. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)