Tears in my eyes...

I feel sad I feel depressed my heart is bleeding my soul is aching.
My Elaine is going away to a far away land.
My Elaine, my beautiful girl with the sparkling blue eyes and the beautiful mind. The girl with the romantic soul and the most gentle of feelings is going away.
She loves me, she cares for me, she supports me.

She means so much to me...

She changed my life….

And no matter all the promises of close communication I feel a terrible void inside. A void of pain a void of sorrow. an ache of desperation
an ache of terrible despair.
It will be a consolation that I will see her again. It will be a comfort that I’ll remember the happy days and that I will learn to appreciate
those happy days.
But the fact is she’s leaving and I will be all alone.
With my pain my desperation my desolation my misery.
This is life and this is fate. It’s just too incredibly sad to bear the burden is just too much.

— dsaranti, Jun 09, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GRC

Critiques

Jonathan Moore

17 years 12 months ago

Another good foundation

But I would love to see you reach further and portray more emotion. Specifically, who is leaving and for what reason. Reading your other work, I assume it is a daughter, but this poem does not tell us and we don't know if it's a child or a spouse or a sibling or a friend so the reader is left uncertain as to the range of emotion you had meant to convey. Think about the differences of feeling involved when a long-time friend leaves. Now consider the poignancy of a child or the devastation of a spouse or the simple longing of a sibling. they are all valid emotional responses but are all different in their focus and intensity. So take a look at what you've written thus far and more clearly focus the reader on what is happening and who is involved. I look forward to seeing an expansion on this topic. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Jonathan Moore

17 years 12 months ago

There you go

Seriously, I read: --------------------------- My Elaine, my beautiful girl with the sparkling blue eyes and the beautiful mind. The girl with the romantic soul and the most gentle of feelings is going away. ------------------------------ and got a chill. Perhaps it's because my kids are 22 and 16 and the 22 year old is done with school, has a job, and is looking for a place to live so I'm familiar with the sorrow and pride mix. The additions you have made have really ramped up this poem and really brings home your feeling and depth of emotion. Well done. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)