Sparkling blue eyes of Love...

I know I sound like a broken record concerning structure. It's not a result of my preference for highly structured poetry, it's a result of my preference for poetry that is easy to read, that leads the reader with a cadence and a meter that aids in communicating the intent of a poem. You have a lot of information in this work. Some of it is detailed out into digestible bites, some is crammed onto lines so tightly that it gets lost. With freeform poetry you want to create a cadence in your work that would mirror the spoken word. Your first task should be to recite the poem aloud several times until you get a feel as to how you want it presented. After you do this you should go back and add line breaks and punctuation to support the cadence of the spoken performance. A general rule of thumb for freeform poetry: Line Break = mini-pause - not a full pause like a comma - more like a half breath comma = full pause Semi-colon = long pause ellipsis = trailing pause (think of it as holding the last letter as you would a note in a song period / colon = hard stop Bold = strong voice italics = soft emphasis Exclamation = surprise or hard emphasis Question mark - rising tone All caps = shouting Also, be very aware of the use of repetition. Repetition should serve as a building block for poetry but can, at times, be a distraction. Unwisely used, repetition can actually encourage people to skip reading parts of a poem. All this relates in the following way for me. Although I understand the sentiment you are trying to convey, the current structure and repetition choices are a major distraction for me. Putting on my pointy hat of presumption I am going to recast a few lines of your poem into an easier form for me. ------------------- Their beautiful blue eyes sparkled Their beautiful blue eyes shone. With their very own beautiful eyes they gazed at each other ceaselessly. There they saw love, delicate love, pure love. They saw searing trust. They saw overwhelming belief. They saw comforting faith. ------------------- I eliminated some of the references to "eyes" in the beginning because it has already been established that "eye" are implied in most lines. I also broke out the verbs in the first part of impart on them more power for the reader. Also I shortened the repetition in the latter stanzas to "they saw" and modified the adjectives to support a stronger presentation of the focus of each line. Lastly, I modified the punctuation to insert hard stops and remove ellipsis where they did not feel, from my recitation, as if they belonged. It is up to you to decide if any of my suggestions or commentary is helpful or useful. It is your work and only you can judge as to how you wish it to be presented. I look forward to seeing where you will go with this. Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)