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KN
Kieran Nelson
Feb 28, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Boredom

drip drip drip furiously fidgeting though excited I'm not drip drip drip electrons misfiring no thinking is thought drip drip drip to-ing and fro-ing pacing the floor drip drip drip waiting for my opus to knock on the door drip DROP
— Kieran Nelson, Feb 28, 2008

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purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

Boredom - been there done

Boredom - been there done that to me time drags more slowly when I am bored - this captured that. I liked this a lot - the decreasing drips worked well for me to drive the piece along. I loved the full stop drop at the end. Kaz by the way I like your profile picture - :-) It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
EA

eric ashford

18 years 3 months ago

Yes, it works for me

Yes, it works for me although i think you overplay your hand. I would cut the drips down. Try treble drips between the lines. I think that would have more punch. Good work eric
Rob Graber

Rob Graber

18 years 3 months ago

Enjoyed this. The idea of

Enjoyed this. The idea of waiting for one's opus is funncy and cool. I think a stronger ending would be to just drip its way out...
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 3 months ago

See I didn’t think this

See I didn't think this one was that good when i re-read it. Thanks for the comments. This is with the last poem i posted within that bunch I'm writing, it seems to be starting off well. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 3 months ago

Thanks Eric, I had another

Thanks Eric, I had another look at it, and it does read better for one with the treble drips but it doesn't lose the feeling of boredom within it. I think when originally wrote, I was forcing the reader to actually become bored reading the poem. Maybe a little much. Thanks for you insightful stuff! Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
EA

eric ashford

18 years 3 months ago

:-) yes. the object of the

:-) yes. the object of the poem is to show boredom not induce it! Much more impact now. Good poeming eric