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B
burymybones
Feb 18, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Moment's Elegy

It is too new of a moon,

and too soon.

A noble king has died,

obliterated without glory due.

He deserved all

the fanfare of the month

or ten thousand years

and the same honor,

to be buried in the mounds that dot

everlasting plains of time,

and a tomb to encase him,

milky marble mined from

the heart of the sky

and the hearts of men.

For his passing Heaven

should gnash its mighty teeth

and fall to its knees,

the earth crack with sorrow

and the wood of the universe

splinter and warp in regret.

All this should be and more

for the moment passing,

for in all eternity

he passes by but once.

— burymybones, Feb 18, 2008
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Critiques

KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 5 months ago

Hello, Couple of things I

Hello, Couple of things I wanted to say; Your word choice (and I've seen this in your previous piece) is brilliant and your imagery is done well. I did feel however that you overuse over complicated descriptions which in turn hide away the point of the poem. I would say the it was turned around at the end, which I did like a lot. One thing though, the first too lines; too many "oo" sounds I fee. It takes the readers thoughts away from the actual poem and thinking "isn't that a lot of "oos"?" Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week

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