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W
winterrain
Feb 08, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

firefly

 

 

Dancing and flashing the light

Fireflies

Wash the dark

your neon blinking

Thousands courting

Magical faeries in a once lost land

Turn into beetles that fly into your hands

Summers gift to the observant dreamer

Fireflies

Inspiration to nature, the feeler

— winterrain, Feb 08, 2008
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Critiques

KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 5 months ago

Hello again! I liked this

Hello again! I liked this poem quite a bit there's only a few small things I'd like to bring up. Was the word "ferries" correct as I jsut can't see the metaphor. Would Faeries be a better replacement? And the last part "the feeler" It hink that could have been expanded upon as you leave the reader wondering what it is your meaning really. Other than that I liked the imagery, and why don't more people write about bugs?? Thanks for letting us read it :D Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
W

winterrain

18 years 5 months ago

firefly

HI. I think you are right about "the feeler". Ideally I was wanting to protray something simple because of the title. Kinda...like not take away from, but I do feel it doesn't quite explain what I mean. Do you think I should continue with a line or two? Oh and yes, Faeries would be much better. Thank you.
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 5 months ago

Yeah I think another couple

Yeah I think another couple of lines would be great, it feels a little unfinished. Plus I wanna see where your gonna go with it. Hell, write another 10 lines, I know I'll read them! Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week

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