post existence.

The stars twinkle in an array of brightness...
Who can know the vastness of their glory?

life simmers out, where is the land of the living...

The land suffers, the people care not.
How long will mother allow this?

What was once beautiful has become a pool of darkness.

They cared not for each others existence...
Therefore they lost their own.

They closed their eyes and never woke up...

I pity them for they were once the Crown of Creation.
Now they have destroyed all that was good...

nothing has been left, all is void.

this emptiness that surronds my beating heart seems like knife in my soul/ pain-hurt-tearsfall-lifegone-/ nothing good has been left/ Who will cry for me/ Who will calm my breaking heart/ I am alone forever/ Welcome to the new universe where there is no end to the darkness, the lonliness the utter despair

— GKCSMAC, Feb 06, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Kieran Nelson

18 years 4 months ago

Well it was certainly dark.

Well it was certainly dark. The language used was good, along with the pacing, however, I do have to say I was never really excited or drawn in at any point. The only part for me which caused a reaction was the last part...now, I'm not sure if you meant that or if it was an error with the submission, but it certainly made me want to stop reading. If you wished to rewrite this in any way, I'd suggest otehr than fixing the ending, I'd try tightening up the point of the poem, for I did struggle to find one. I thoguht it was firstly about the planet...then about your feelings and then I don't know what happened. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week

GKCSMAC

17 years ago

Explnation

The poem comes from the perspective of a being watching from afar, it could be a super human who left the galaxy and returned to a dead planet, or even a type of deity. The end is their emotional experience of being left in a humanless beingless universe. From another vantage point this whole poem came out of the darkest depression Ive ever known. It was me that died, yet it was me that was left alone. I never try to write poetry for the sole purpose of good writing. My poetry is usually for the purpose of releasing emotions that are bottled up whether they be dark and depressive or bright and euphoric. I have no aim for professionalism or status I simply use writing as an outlet. Most of what I write is done very quickly. It never takes more then 10-15 min to get down and usually I leave it unedited. I aim for honesty and transparency. I don't hope to impress. I hope people can relate to my experiences and learn from them. thanks

Kieran Nelson

17 years ago

Point taken, but do you not

Point taken, but do you not feel that by the fact that you had to write a somewhat lengthy explanation that the poem did miss the point as a whole? You may not write to "impress" or not aim for professionalism, but this website is a place to learn and have your work critiqued by others, with the aim to improve as a writer. Kieran My Blog, Adventures of a Glasgow Poet http://www.adventuresofaglasgowpoet.blogspot.com