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fthillsboomer
Feb 04, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Stuck (Poet's complaint)

 

 

 

I am stuck with unfinished poems

Like laundry left undone in the machine

Some thoughts and threads do splinter 

Before I find out what they mean

 

 

I’ll take it as a sign to be patient

Forgetting the ease of the past

Remembering what work must be done 

If what I’ve created will last

 

 

Even though to me they’re living

Just in this moment alive and complete

To readers or listeners in the future 

Perhaps they need legs more than feet

 

 

To mention their timely creation

And their living in memory so brief

Would be far more than gilding the Lily 

More like teaching theft to a thief

 

 

More like mist are these thoughts poetic

More like rain than water or ice

More intense than flame or fire 

More often more naughty than nice

 

If given free rein these things would remain 

In limbo neither darkness or light

So I attempt to control, though I often extol

Damn; it’s difficult to get them just right.

 

— fthillsboomer, Feb 04, 2008
More from this author

Critiques

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fthillsboomer

18 years 5 months ago

Thanks

I understand, there seems to be two distinct schools of poets. Those who like rhyme and those who don't. I agree that is at many times harder to put the proper feel and message into a poem with a strict adherence to rhyming. Still it is what inspires me and makes me search our language for words that serve double duty. At some point I will post a poem I wrote about why I rhyme. the first stanza is: I like to make my poems rhyme Unnecessary I am told Still I like to take the time Other ways just leave me cold Thanks for your kind words RT
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blistered-pen

18 years 5 months ago

wow

i don't think i'm fit to criticize but i really love this. the way your words are aligned, the way they rhyme.. the flow is unbelievable. just want to say it's great and that i think i'm going to check out more of your stuff. please keep writing. =)
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fthillsboomer

18 years 5 months ago

Thank you very much

I greatly appreciate your kind words.
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poewriter58

18 years 5 months ago

a pleasure

ah the heart of a true poet This poem brought a smile to my face on a rather dismal morning, one never knows when a thought word , or sentence will trigger a new poem , in the meantime threads as you say. my desk top is littered with sticky notes writing tablets etc filled with words partial sentences etc eventually they find their way home into a complete work. Your poem was a pleasure to read Chrys
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fthillsboomer

18 years 5 months ago

Thanks Chrys

Thanks a bunch. Tell me Chrys is Poetry classified as Disease, Dementia, or Delight?
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poewriter58

18 years 5 months ago

answer

all the above and more Happy Writing Chrys
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 5 months ago

Stuck

Very well written, nice flow and I really enjoyed reading this tonight, OOps gotta do my laundry??
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 5 months ago

Enjoyed nearly every bit of

Enjoyed nearly every bit of it, I found the line about laundry kind of stuttered when I read it, nothing too major though. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
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fthillsboomer

18 years 5 months ago

Thanks and you're right!

the cadence would have been perfect if the line had been "like laundry left in machine" I just felt it was too cryptic. I am an incorrigble rhymer and counter of syllables, but here I had to let it go.
Mark

Mark

18 years 5 months ago

Where the mind goes in wait

I find the laundromat to be a most surreal agtmosphere and have enjoyed many writes there (not that it is where you put this beauty of a poem together). Strong legs are a foundation for fast running or smooth sailing. This certainly is one smooth experience I enjoyed very much. Thanks, mark
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fthillsboomer

18 years 5 months ago

Thank you

The legs are an allusion to lasting, like having legs in journalism is about having a long running story, this is what I meant. Because I view my poems as now things, I worry they won't stand the test of time. Not that much though. Mostly I'm just happy to have them come out of me in legible form. Thanks so much for your kind words.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 5 months ago

Nice metaphors and similes

Your language usage blends into some great metaphorsand similes here without being overbearing. I especially like the reference to laundry left undone. If I'm being honest (which I usually am to a fault), I'm not a huge fan of rhyme. Often rhyme forces the poet into a corner with words to adhere to the pattern of the poem, thereby losing the message that they were attempting to convey. Your message is consistent here, and I think all of us have felt what you are saying. Still, there are a few places where the rhyme causes a stutter in an otherwise smooth read. Overall, I enjoyed reading this. Well done and I will be looking forward to seeing more work from you! ~ Ronda

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