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If I had the opportunity

I would tell it to the
world or write
it amongst the
stars for all
to see.
I would turn back the
the hands of
time to the moment
we first met
or the day
you blessed the
world with your presence.
I would valiantly
navigate
tempestuous oceans
just to ease your
afflictions.
I would change the
times and seasons
just to feel your breath.
I would turn your
lamentations to
adulations.
I would stay up
all night, so
I could be
the first to
say good morning.
I would never
contemplate the
boredom brought
by separation.
I would be the first
to do good,
do right and
never fight.
I would be the one
to help the other.
I would be the
one with
a drenched shoulder.
Could it be that
the opportunity
is given and
wasted?

— Tuffroc, Jan 05, 2008

Critiques

JF

Jaffa Forbes

18 years 6 months ago

Very Good

Very well told, beautiful poetry, good flow and structure, interesting and capitivating topic. Best I've read yet! Jaff
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 6 months ago

Could it be that the

Could it be that the opportunity is given and wasted? A lost love? I like the flow and the sincerity of this piece. Nice work Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
A

amilu

18 years 6 months ago

this is a lovely poem i like

this is a lovely poem i like the concept however the ending wasn't good for me atleast....if i was you i would stop end it at 'I would be the one with a drenched shoulder' the ending kind of spoiled it for me but overall i like the poem :)
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 6 months ago

Hi Tuffroc...

This poem gets my vote, you have some very descriptive devotions here and I think your ending works with cementing the slump your character is in...but I am no expert... thanks for posting...

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