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Limerick and haiku challenge.

In the July Newsletter I did a short piece on Limericks and issued a challenge to write a SERIOUS limerick and a humorous haiku.

Post your submissions here.

So far, as you will see, it is no easy thing to be serious in a form that is basically comical.

Comments

Is that the new format also for the SHARK POOL workshop adventure?

Where are you, Jess? You are the leader, n'est-ce pas? I'm afraid the shark pool sharks
will no longer be swimming if not for your hand testing the waters.

~A

and I'll be out of the water for a while, but back soon.

Remember each workshop was meant to be finite duration, not parallel streams. New ones starting soon.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

mmm, just looked up limerick in your Poetry Forms blog and can see how you got confused. I suggest you read my piece in the next Newsletter and give it an edit to clarify it.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

the challenge was to write a serious limerick that could be taken seriously.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

and where's mine?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

nice to see you around again hope your fully back soon Buddy.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Now that's the kind of challenge that can really be fun.........stan

Jess,

I really can't wait
To fully participate
In this new challenge

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Apparently it's not a workshop challenge, but for the July issue of Neopoet Newsletter.

So hurry.

~A

Limerick (True tale)

There once was a man from America
Who did not posess any healthcare
He stole from robbed a bank
To get thrown in the tank
So he could get some medical care.

Haiku (also true!)

Hearing gull's sad cry,
I looked to see it soaring
And it shit in my eye.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

in the limerick the meter is all over the place. Anapest.
(da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM) A
(da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM) A
(da da DUM da da DUM) B
(da da DUM da da DUM) B
(da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM) A

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

There was a man in America
Who had neither a job nor healthcare
So he stole from a bank
To get thrown in the tank
and at last got some medical care.

This is fun

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

see how you lose the meter on medical? Anyhow I think it's already starting to show my contention, that sometimes form subscribes content. meter here is closer to Amphibrach (da DUM da) but that is also acceptable, if consistent.

and for the haiku, to further satirise the form itself, and abbreviate, how about
oh, shit hits my eye

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Once upon a time there was a metaphor
that knocked and knocked on every poet's door
there was no use in blaming the muse
to feign abuse or to be obtuse,
poems fell from the ceiling through the floor

&

the sky is falling,
dreams translucent with silence
words like lightning bolts

~A

you know how meter works and the "musicality" of limericks, Anna.

Sorry, not even close, all you got was the rhyming scheme.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Ok I didn't get the limerick thing, the haiku will suffice, no?

And if you would be so kind, help me to rewrite the limerick to make it *jive* if not shake rattle and roll. (I got rhythm but I can't sing.)

Thanks.

~A

Submitted by weirdelf on Thu, 2011-06-23 23:16

In the July Newsletter I will be doing a short piece on Limericks and issuing a challenge to write a serious limerick and a humourous haiku."
Humorous haiku?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

There once was a lone metaphor
that knocked on each poet's door
No blaming the muse
not abused or obtuse,
it fell from the ceiling to floor.

This at least scans like a limerick, hearing it?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

thanks you bet I am, but didn't I then write a double limerick?

lol

I can't stands to be wrong. toot toot

~

limericks are a very strict form.

Limericks in form are so serious
not meant for rantings delirious
using total control
to be sad or be droll
I issues instructions imperious

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Haiku

Gentle evening breeze
brings aromas of summer
until the dog farts

limerick later, gotta wash blood off white van now lol...........stan

excellent Stan!

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

An interesting challange, good Elf
One hardly needs reach for the shelf
To search for a tome
On the five-lined poem
One that pleases the gnome and ones self

Cheers,
Psyve

P.S. Please, Teacher, do I get a lollipop for that additional internal rhyme("gnome") in line 5 that ties back into lines 3 & 4?

Although I must admit I chuckled. You see? Form constraining content.
[passes a lollipop, indeed!]

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Serious limerick

There came a most terrible flood
covering everything with slime and crud
washed out all the bridges
chased folk up to the ridges
turning highways to rivers of mud

That second line breaks scansion though, remember limericks are a very strict form.
perhaps
covered all with slime and with crud
and
chased folk up the ridges

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Is the fault that rhyming lines need same syllable count? You know I'm pretty new to writing and not really up on all forms..............stan

two funny (I hope) haiku

haiku are wide-eyed
buddha-smiles in naked concepts -
one sneeze -- haiku gone!

a wedged group of geese
cackles above dressed up crowd -
droplets of whiteness

greetings,
Erwin

(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)

especially as each one captures the essential nature of haiku tone and form.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Hi Jess, its been a long time elf. Hope all is good.

Well this sounded to fun to be left out of. I haven’t been around, or writing much. But I am here now and this seemed just the thing to loosen me up.. It did. I look forward to your thoughts on my 3 little diddy’s elf, I am sure my form will lack in some line. But that’s how I learn. I like what I have been reading and I can’t wait to read what everyone else will do! Fun, fun

You don’t say?,

Holy shit no-way you don’t say
Only the random shit in the way
I sat my ass down
Felt quite the clown
So screw-it, maybe another day

Jerk,

I glared with a look of disgust
He sacrificed the truth and trust
We wanted the best
So put it to the test
To find what we had was a bust

African violet

Five pedal’s
So sweetly scented
Alight with dew drop’s

Julie

D.D.

Chat Rocks!

Click on the chat link at the top of the page and launch the new Live Neo chat! Fun, friends and poetry. It's the best way to get to know the Neo family and site! Can't wait to see you there!

Good wordcrafting all through. The first limerick doesn't quite make the "serious" tone I was aiming for, but illustrates the difficulty of being serious in a comic form.

The second one is excellent in every way. Top-notch.

I can't quite see the joke in the haiku. Am I missing it? pedal's [petals?]

Thanks for joining in.
Chat is up! See it on the top toolbar?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Yes, chat is up. You are so right Jess. I need to update my signiture. Tells you how much time I have been here lately. Thanks for the update though, lol.

As for the haiku. It lacks a joke and my spellcheck left pedal's instead of catching me on petal's. Which I did realize with hindsite and when offline, so I thought about it all night and day and knew you would call me on it. And the title was getting on my nerves too. And I posted it knowing it lacked a joke, just like I knew the first limerick was not in the spirit you intended. But I had to post it anyways. I guess I should of expanded and explained, fixed, checked on all that and fixed it then. It does emphasize how little time I write these days. All I can say is, thank you. And I will love reading what else everyone posts! Should we post more if we write more Jess?

Please ignore my out of date signiture, I will fix it soon. Chat Rocks! And the new neo has grown tons on this new site! And my browser works with it finally!! Big plus, lol

Julie

D.D.

Chat Rocks!

Click on the chat link at the top of the page and launch the new Live Neo chat! Fun, friends and poetry. It's the best way to get to know the Neo family and site! Can't wait to see you there!

I'm enjoying this blog. I might post a new one soon with another challenge.

Oh, BTW, haikus traditionally do not have titles.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

DD you don't need the 's it is not possessive.

just plural

five petals
so sweetly scented
alight with dewdrops

(one word)

my interest is stimulated by this challenge...will have a go at it...how long is the time frame for submission?...i never done a limmerick so far leave alone a serious one and neither a funny haiku...i am setting up the pin ball machine now ...with a hope to hit pay dirt...lol...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I've submitted a short piece about limericks and haikus for the July Newsletter which should be out soon. You could also check out Yenti's "Poetry Forms A-M" blog.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

An astronomer who belittled Sir Einstein
was crucified for his icky wacky brain
he shone brightest amongst the stars
with count less mega watts
sucking all light from our planet

how about this maiden attempt of mine at writing a Limerick and that too of a serious kind? ..

raj (sublime_ocean)

but limerick is very strict. The form of rhythm and rhyme is

(da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM) A
(da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM) A
(da da DUM da da DUM) B
(da da DUM da da DUM) B
(da da DUM da da DUM da da DUM) A

so
An astronomer who belittled Sir Einstein [Einstein was never knighted]
was crucified for his icky wacky brain [icky wacky is not quite serious and brain doesn't rhyme with Einstein]
he shone brightest amongst the stars [for meter delete brightest]
with count less mega watts [watts doesn't rhyme with stars]
sucking all light from our planet [planet doesn't rhyme with Einstein]

Despite all my corrections I really like this and think it could become a poem in it's own right.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

thank you Jess for your valued inputs ...i will certainly tweak this up to be in sync with the meter and the rhyme sequences and will look forward for your critic on that...

raj (sublime_ocean)

the loudest noise
in the void of solitude
is of my echoes

raj (sublime_ocean)

but the challenge was to make it humourous.
How about-

the loudest noise
in the void of solitude
is the echo of a fart

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

hank you for pointing out where my haiku went off the competition guidelines...i liked how you gave it a humorous touch...but hasn't that crossed the syllable sequence of 5-7-5?..perhaps my knowledge about this sequence could be erroneous...but that's what i am in the know of .....your inputs on this aspect shall be much appreciated...

i will certainly have a go at a new submission...

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

5-7-5 is the correct traditional form, however that is based on the Japanese language and doesn't exactly translate to English. Personally I would describe haiku as a a very short 3 line freeform often consisting of 5-7-5 syllable lines.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Ok I misread the instructions. A serious limerick and a funny haiku.

the sky is falling
Sir Chicken Little is dead
it fell on his head

there once was a pregnant muse
who was not very amused
by her words she got fat
and blamed Felix the cat
when word was out, she already mewed.

ok the limerick's not serious, just practicing, Jess.

haikus don't rhyme
try the haiku without rhyme.

Starting to see where I'm going with all this?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

And who says *haikus don't rhyme* if they accidentally fall that way??????

Yeah, I know...practice makes perfect. practice practice practice, eh, Mr. Weirdly Elf.

~A

A rhyming Haiku becomes a Rhyku lol...............stan

and I plan to pursue it in future blogs, is to explore where and how form can constrain content, and when it dosen't.

That's why I am being such a stickler for form in this. Especially with the limericks. Haiku is basicly 3 short line freeform, but I want to work it without rhyme to juxtapose against the limerick form.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

This blog has been a lot of fun both to participate in and to read. Kudos............stan

mate.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Well, here goes

It's now ten years in Afghanistan,
Our troops doing the best that they can
With poor Afghan recruits
Who don't care where they shoot
Our guys sense next stop is Iran

Campers curry HOT
Forest leaves blacken and die
Breeze not so fragrant

That's all folks!!

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

Jeeze, your Haiku stinks, LOL!
Forest leaves Blacken and DIE?!!
Enjoyed that.
Psyve

After all these centuries of culture, you still can't beat a fart joke for a laugh!

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

god uns lol........stan

farts are always funny, and understandably- they are so versatile, providing commentary, attack, advice and even a flame thrower in extreme circumstances. But why are kicks in the balls also funny?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

A  serious lim’rick is dead

If it’s not well thought out in your head

If you start to warm

To the Style of the Form

You risk raising a smile as it’s read

 ======================================

Haiku’s a bit like

The end credits rolling, just

As the movie starts

but you still raised a smile.

Love the haiku! Could be a definitive criticism of the form!

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

but lines 3 and 4 of the limerick are metrically too long.

Love the haiku.

Short is better. [grins]

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Her face is crimson
Loud is her palpitation,
There is lightning emotion,
She whines in motion,
Hear the sky!

I live for those who love me,
For those who know me true
For the Heaven that smiles above me

however it in no way responds to the challenge issued by this blog.
see the top of the page and
http://new.neopoet.com/community/newsletter/4957
4) Poetry Corner
Two short forms

It did also prompt me to visit your poem "Fertility" which was posted before my return to the site. A very interesting work.

Great to see you again Mr. Atiyodi.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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