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R
RandomThoughts
Dec 21, 2007 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Untitled 7

Resting my tender carcass in a meadow full of beauty

Midnight sky glowing like ten thousand Christmas lights

Quiet winds kiss my face whispering gently in my ear

Caressed in the limbs of a PollutedTaintedInfected earth

God abandons his tears and immersed me in his sorrow

Shared a moment in time together heart felt troubles

Lazing in a meadow of emeralds laced in corrosion

Waiting for dawn and all her gorgeous golden waves

Dried his tears of sadness from his neutral face

Bursts of sunlight glisten from his trouble free smile

What was once is, is now gone it gave way to the night

He breathed a new inception to share with me

— RandomThoughts, Dec 21, 2007
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Critiques

O

orgami

18 years 7 months ago

lines like dunes of waves

love the capital and lines stretched out following the poem I understand and like very well I think (this is my first critique mind you) that you start your beautiful lines and end them and then to me it seems you create another wonderful line but myself I am left wondering or maybe waiting for the echo the second beat for the first challenge of created imagery maybe I'm looking for more or don't understand your flow of your poem I read this and find it difficult to convey what I feel however I will work on it Okay each line seems like a title to a poem each line to me is like a leading line and im waiting for the body to evolve such imagery you have though well I dont know if this has been helpful you have helped me to evolve thank you O

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