crawling

Here i lay

alone

fighting against my thoughts.

a corrupt yearning to be quite close.

a delicious chrome

sleep is too comfortable

such anxious bones

to move

to feel again

rigid and cold

creeping into my being

forced under my skin

an immeasurable groove

sadness holding solitude

enveloping deep within.

to loose love twice

plucking my hearts feathers

with gifts to attempt to soothe

i keep giving myself without thought

torturing my soul blue

his sick repetitive vice.

im the temporary, hated treasure

Ive swallowed him whole

the love, hate and pain

from him

its puncturing my weak flesh

bleeding for him

because of him

through him

my heart, he stole

stomping and enjoying the tissue between his toes

i get a beautiful hate

an immeasurable vain

i am transparent now

complete with holes and mesh

how can i love his foes?

i am still his neverending bait

even from so far away

i still reach out.

to love and touch

every word hurts

every second of lifes game play

i have settled for nothing

the elements of life

give me pleasure through all this pain

i still cant close my eyes

i want to change

i want to fly

i want to sink deeper.

into him

into myself

engrossing feeling

transform his game into my own

to be his hearts keeper.

to rip and scar

like he did to my home

still confused

of where i sit in this world

full of beauty.

and hate for myself

an eternal insomniac

fearing tomorrow

i want

to be loved.

instead of used.

his  footprints etched on my face.

slimey bruises

cowardly tracks

i cant keep the hope.

within myself

still insane and broken

never again.

will i feel love.

these sad pieces of my spirit.

scattered

to each end of the ocean

i will drown myself with this.

and rise above the heated mist.

hold out for the love.

that will hold me up one day.

with a burning twist

and then thrice

i will fall

in the same hole i  have dug

but the chrome from the sun

will carry me up above the floods.

no hope, just reality

my eternal crawl

for an unrealistic love