Victim of Murder

Do you know what you did?
the night you pulled the trigger.

In a flash the lives you took
we all became victims of murder.

Your anger boiled like the mountain
that could not contain,
the magma erupted from the barrel
forever lives were changed.

What right did you have?
to take what God gave.

Like a self proclaimed saint
judgement is yours, you say?

Her life was like a flower
you cut down to soon.

Your actions spread disease,
among us all, how are we to bloom?

Now she is gone,
and you are no longer
and we are left to wonder.

Your selfish pride,
has left us all, victims of murder..

— DarkinAZ, Nov 27, 2007

Critiques

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

The Vicims that survive a murder

an important poem for those who have never loss someone to a violent crime...polish the spelling though because this needs to read smoothly and with clear flow. Keep writing I will keep reading. regards, David

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

A great premise

This piece holds the thread of a really strong poem. It needs some concise editing, but the idea is there. As you can probably tell, I'm reading some of your work - and I am truly enjoying it. Years of writing have instilled a wicked editor in me; so I hope that you don't take any of my comments personally. Nothing is ever meant in an unconstructive manner. If I see promise in a piece, I believe in being honest and speaking my mind. Can end up being honest to a fault - if that makes sense. If anything I say strikes you the wrong way, please tell me so that I can explain. Your work is really very good. Best, Ronda

DarkinAZ

18 years 3 months ago

I have been dealt far..

greater blows in life than simple words can.... I love your suggestions...do not stop please, I am hard headed so it may take a while. Thanks, Mark

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