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When our minds come home

Snakes of the sand

Beasts of the land

Bring home tonight the last rays of light

And man huddles here,

His terror is clear

As his sin hurries in for the fight.

— Blackcatatheart, Nov 05, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

You are right, it needs work

but has potential. Could go 2 ways for me, one, our fear creates religion and sin (the snake is a pretty obvious symbol)and we hurry in to fight superstition, or secondly (which I would despise) the snake shows the light of our sins that we must struggle with because of the crime committed against christian humanity by the evil concept of original sin. oops, a third interpretation, the snake, not evil, sheds its skin and renews itself, so we hurrying in to make ourselves better. Now that is an interpretation I could truly admire. cheers, Jess
B

Blackcatatheart

18 years 8 months ago

On sin

Don't worry it's not the second interpretation, I dislike that one as well. All your interpretations are extremely interesting though. Actually I had something completely different in my head, though it's probably not clear. I tend to have whole sections inside of my poems that I can't seem to add without breaking a flow. If see it as an image, to hear, to understand, a lot more things to add come to mind. Snakes are supposed to be sin for humanity, but both snakes and the rest of the animals (beasts) return home with only the coming of darkness. There is no worry, guilt or hatred that returns with them. When a man is alone in the dark, he has to be with himself. This means all the sin and guilt he's invented follows him. Man is terrified to be alone. For when he is alone, he has to fight against what he feels are his sin. Without the invent of sin to haunt them the rest of the animals are free of this. They are also free to choose their actions without fear thus being truer to their nature. But I’m not trying to say all that (I’m not sure I can, poetically in any case), just trying to contrast the two. The fight is left unidentified but what do our sins do, or what we feel is our sins, except fight against us? I suppose what I'm trying to get at is if we didn't know of sin, it won't follow us like a shadow.
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

Just remember

snakes are also s symbol of renewal of life, not just evil cheers, Jess
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

I have ADHD

like a loose rattle in my brain and when I have more focus I revisit my skeleton poems,fragmentary as they are they bring me back to the completion. This is a promising Title and foundation to further verse and stanza so for that I give it 3 stars respectively. I will stay tuned. Welcome to Neopoet. In ink, David
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

I have ADHD

like a loose rattle in my brain and when I have more focus I revisit my skeleton poems,fragmentary as they are they bring me back to the completion. This is a promising Title and foundation to further verse and stanza so for that I give it 3 stars respectively. I will stay tuned. Welcome to Neopoet. In ink, David

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