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O

ember titles

 

 

there isnt going to be any damned fire

all south in California

most of my wood and sticks are wet

shove my hands deeper in my

ragged ass coat and shuffle down

the cinders to town past the

wrecking yard of stacked autos

 

aint even got nothing to drink

but i cant help it

my eyes are drawn up from

watching my feet kick ahead

 

its dark already

shreds of bright pink clouds

tower above the lake

against the dark linning

of the cold front

 

two streets in on civilization

the moon comes out from

behind mountians of white

 

the yellow pearl of light blazes

from the pole lamps on

the fresh ashphalt

crazy jungle patterns of leaves

smashed flat by cars

trucks

 

i remember when i was alive

back then

when the moon was something

fresh and new to stare at through

the trees

 

back when a kiss was worth

more then any thing

one kiss

one damned kiss

 

so im home now

back with the pop and a

large coffee double cream

for my lady

 

step inside away from the

night and her fine moon

 

for a moment though

for a tiny moment

my heart beat an extra

pulse

 

..O..

— orgami, Oct 23, 2007

Critiques

I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 9 months ago

I have felt as a spector

not invisible,but not seen I have spoke out loud without being heard ink has spilled on me without leaving a stain I drank poison and a puddle formed at my feet I too seek the ethereal touch ever elusive until then I find myself lucid
C

Calliope

18 years 9 months ago

I like this piece

The imagery is great and it flows nicely.I love the line 'Back when a kiss was worth more than anything' I remember when,O' I remember. Lacy,
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 9 months ago

Vivid images

I like this piece for all of the images and the way they are scattered like a string of thoughts invisibly connected. You have a couple of minor spelling errors to fix, but I see nothing else that I would change. 3rd stanza: "linning" should be "lining" 4th: "mountains" 5th: "asphalt" Your style is unique and intriguing. I love poets who step outside the lines.

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