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L
LIPSTIKe
Oct 22, 2007 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

under my skin

I wondered for a while how thinking maybe I could to cry now please tell me the truth Ill believe only you If only you knew that under my skin the feeling within i concealed with a smile though it lasted a while my feelings bleed threw now they bleed onto you under your skin the feeling went in let it seep threw your smile how give in and get to crying now please tell me the truth Ill believe only you .
— LIPSTIKe, Oct 22, 2007
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Critiques

S

sumsum22

18 years 9 months ago

i think this has potential

i think this has potential to be something pretty good. I know I've mentioned this before, but the rhymes make me want to feel more rhythm than emotion. I am not sure what it is that you are aiming for, the emotion or the rhythm and rhyme. they are all good qualities, but if one is used too much or too little, it can distract the reader from the other qualities of the poem.
S

sumsum22

18 years 9 months ago

i think this has potential

i think this has potential to be something pretty good. I know I've mentioned this before, but the rhymes make me want to feel more rhythm than emotion. I am not sure what it is that you are aiming for, the emotion or the rhythm and rhyme. they are all good qualities, but if one is used too much or too little, it can distract the reader from the other qualities of the poem.

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