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On Notice

 

Fads last to first, becoming best to worst

 

Pretty seems to lack a lasting appeal

All bets are off from the very first deal

 

Finding the trailing army of 'one more thing'

Side by side the crowning of the'get paid king'

 

You're on notice I noticed bad behavior

You're on notice I've noted your new savior

 

Terms lock a few, look the other way too

 

Bought stuff despite lack of good looks

Paid for my prayers and all my books

 

Under siege self indulgers, dark painful plea

Found one corporate place weak, low care algae

 

You're on notice I noticed bad behavior

You're on notice I've noted your new savior

 

Hearts die when thrown, for a lesser unknown

 

Genuine plummet at the close of the bell

Mind weighing don't buy, heart saying what the hell

 

Landmarks just north of town, some pattern wheel fell

Doo Drop Inn long been a source, of someone's hell

 

You're on notice I noticed bad behavior

You're on notice I've noted your new savior

 

Order while these souls woefully loiter

 

Angels cry out for a parallel voice

 

Usual suspects have forgone their choice

 

 

 

 

 

 

— DDCdogood, Oct 11, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

I love this!

Well observed and social commentary without being heavy-handed. Love the use of the chorus. One slight niggle, I stumbled a bit on the flow with some of the longer lines. cheers, Jess
L

LovelArt

18 years 9 months ago

Wow!

This is wonderful, and very touching. You did great on this it's just simply amazing.
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 9 months ago

Heart Saying what the hell

I really like this. You have captured the subject brilliantly and yes life is a very fickle thing. I can particularly relate to these lines :- Genuine plummet at the close of the bell Mind weighing don’t buy, heart saying what the hell. The heart always wins for me! Kaz x
JB

Jillian Botha

18 years 9 months ago

As always with what i have read previously...

Hi DDC dogwood This is a good piece, that definitely makes one think. Very nicely written and structured Well Done!! Kind regards Feebie Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)

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