Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Psychedelic Pantoum

 

 

A vivid green cat strolled fast across the ceiling

As the wolves disappeared into the walls

The sky was stumbling neatly underfoot

And birds perched high above in the roots of deep blue trees

 

As the wolves disappeared into the walls

Bright clouds growled, thick with lightning

And birds perched high above in the roots of deep blue trees

While I dreamt out loud, silently snoring underwater

 

Bright clouds growled, thick with lightning

Dark stones shone with brilliant thunder

While I dreamt out loud, silently snoring underwater

Obliviously aware of nothing at all

 

Dark stones shone with brilliant thunder

The sky was stumbling neatly underfoot

Obliviously aware of nothing at all

A vivid green cat strolled fast across the ceiling

— waterdragon, Sep 29, 2007

Critiques

M

Mizkaja

18 years 10 months ago

A Psychedelic Pantoum

I enjoyed the title it was eye catching your use of language was full and playful I enjoyed you rhythm as well (twentith century to me) all the other question can be answered by a professional I am new at this and all I can say was the images here are really cool!
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 9 months ago

Wonderful, the ...

pictures you paint. Nice use of repetition ... and the sleeping context so well supports it. Much appreciated. Thanx, Chuck
C

Calliope

18 years 9 months ago

Beautiful imagery

I feel as though I've seen that vivid green cat strolling across the ceiling.Lovely piece. Lacy,
W

waterdragon

18 years 9 months ago

I'm surprised none of you

asked what I'd been smokin'! ;) Thanks for your lovely comments, my friends... Reverend Bec Hudson Shine Your Light It's the ONLY Way to Get Rid of the Darkness!

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.