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"In search for the one" (The book I'm working on) 8 pages.

please don't critic the grammar, it still needs work.

In search of the one

The realization of the one.
One that will fill your needs and wants is a misconception. It is not the reality of self. There is not a one outside of yourself who can feel as you do. Yes, there are those who see and sense the universe as you do, but they are not the one that can give you unconditional reality or the love you think you seek. The one that will forever give you this feeling is yourself; you in yourself are the one. Once you accept this consciousness that you are the one. All other contact outside of yourself can be accepted. The positive energy you project from loving yourself as the one will bring others to see the beautiful reality of you. You do not need anyone else. Then and only then will you lose the desperateness that their is someone out there for you, stop your search and see that the one is you. If you are comfortable with yourself others will come to try and enjoy in the comfort you feel in being one with yourself.

In life as they say; “misery loves company” people will see that you care about someone and they will say he/she is not the one for you, for whatever reason is in the deep recess of their own misery. They still have not seen into themselves to know that the one does not exist, the one is already in them, but has not been recognized. So this is how, if you’re weak in the fact that you don’t see that the one is already with you. You can become enslaved to conventional thinking. (The one for me) There is one who can understand this concept and can recognize you. They can see that they are the one for themselves. In this union between those who accept the concept can a relationship happen without the conventional thinking.


You are the one or rather to say “you belong to me”. This is not the true freedom in a relationship. To live free of the conventional shackles the world imposes upon your reality, you must not think you own someone. To say rather, you own no one then in turn no one own me. In this way you are willing to accept the imperfection of the other. There will be no ownership issue. This is not an easy task, because as humans we judge people by the yard stick that we believe is who we are. If we throw away the conventional ruler, and see that person for what they do, and not for who we are. Then and only then can we accept them. We are a world in ourselves and they are also. Together we are a part of an ever growing universe. Each time two worlds (your world and theirs} connect the consciousness grows, Which is truly part of the fabric of the universe. If two worlds meet and there is no fertile thought. This meaning that you feel they think like and feel like you. You are projecting that which you want. So in reality there is nothing to built upon. In turn if two worlds collide, and a explosion of thought and questions occur, then there is something to built on. First you must both rid yourselves of conventional thinking, (the deconstruction period of the relationship) and accept that you are separate worlds, yet part of an ever changing universe. Their world becomes part of yours and yours theirs, but not in ownership, but rather sharing in each others universe. That is the place where both of your universes grow. Always remember through all this, you are the one you truly love. Only then can you love someone else.
(Man/woman can’t love if they do not love themselves) So don’t ask the stars or the Gods to find you that one you think you need, for you have already found that love in yourself.


What is a relationship?
1. Connection: a significant connection or similarity between two or more things, or the state of being related to something else
2. Behavior or feelings toward somebody else: the connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another

In the beginning of a relationship we have the tendency of being at our best behavior, so as to hide those things we think the other person might find distasteful or better yet annoying. We start a relationship in the conventional thinking. We use our childhood lessons which our parents drilled into us or to say the domestication of our thoughts; (you better not embarrass me / be at your best behavior}. So, doing what we were programmed to do. We hide our idiosyncrasies, in doing so we enter the relationship not loving who we are. How then can we love the other person if we have already begun by lying to ourselves? In that state we begin to see the idiosyncrasies of the other and we begin not to like what we see. In reality we are just seeing the things we have hidden in ourselves. Now the relationship goes into the judgment stage. We begin to see the person through our perception and not what is actually their truth, for they are also hiding their idiosyncrasies. You now reach the second plateau of the relationship “defensive”. We begin to protect those things we have hidden, our walls are fortified. We begin to drop bombs in the annihilation of the others character and of course they mount their offense. The war begins in small ways, things like, “why do you use the spoon that way, and not a fork”. These little things slowly grow into major pains of the relationship that come as the hidden begins to surface. Why did it happen? The simple answer is; we forgot to love ourselves the way we are. If we begin a relationship with no inhibitions, then only then can the other person see us for who we are and clearly see we love ourselves no matter what they think. In doing this we give the gift of freedom to the other, to bring all of themselves to the table.


This is easier said the done, if we do not know ourselves mentally, spiritually or physically how can we proceed into a relationship where two people try to get to know each other. It is hard enough trying to know someone who is honest with themselves. It takes time and dedication to feel a true connection to this honest person, because we must first believe they love themselves for who they are, before they can truly love us for who we are. So how much more difficult can it be if we begin in the old domestications which we were taught by people of conventional thinking. We can not fault them because we readily accept this and incorporated it into our own reality. If we can free ourselves of these chains, we can enter a relationship being ourselves without the need to mount an offense or defense. We then can enter into it with all our cards on the table. Yes, yes, I know that this is a hard thing to do. We feel if we enter into a relation openly the other person might take advantage of our honesty, but the reality is that we fear the fact that openness sometimes brings pain. Again if you know yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically. Who can truly hurt you, but yourself. In this, right at the begin you will know weather you can continue in the relationship. You being you can then see if they are being themselves. This is the best way for early detection, weather this relationship will work or not. This can’t be taught; only through practice of loving yourself can this be achieved. No matter what anyone says is wrong with you in their conventional thinking it is not about you it is their perception, and not what you’re living. Remember that your love for yourself will always carry you through.


The most lasting of relationships
Friendship: an emotionally close friendship, especially one involving sexual activity.

The friendship relationship that makes the turn to love is the one which last the longest, because here are two people who have laid their cards on the proverbial table. There are no secrets between them, they know each other’s idiosyncrasies and accept who they are. They can speak openly without the thought that they need to protect themselves. If the sexual aspect is added to the relation it is uninhibited, because they are aware of themselves, mentally, spiritually, and physically. In the sexual, they try to give each other pleasure, they know each others needs. It could just be an embrace, a look, a word or just listening, these are all sexual connections that the friends share. They know when to speak, listen and or act. When one feels pain, the other sympathies in this way giving the other what they need at that moment. This relationship is always in the now. The past is not part of the relation and the future they live now for they do not need to speculate, they live in every passing moment. In this relationship there are no conventional commitments, no ownership, I am me and you are you, and we together share a space in the universe. The freedoms to live your own life exist. There are no conventional chains. If one finds a new path the other is happy for them and cheers them on, because the love shared is not a shackle, but the wings of freedom. The understanding is deep and well grounded in the fact that they love for who they are and the truth out weights all other emotions. Let us keep in mind that as human, our early domestication can intrude on this relationship, we can’t set restriction on this relationship, because of our fear of losing the connection you might have. You can’t start to but chains on this relationship. Once you do you move to the next level of this relationship, “the commitment’. In the commitment you become exclusive, but first you must need to know that the other is ready to move the relationship to that level.


This is where problems can begin, if the others says they are not ready or want the commitment to enter the relationship, then your friendship will be truly tested. Not by them, but to yourself. If you believe that this friendship is true and the other person is being honest with you and you truly love them for who they are. Then you can’t try to impose your needs and wants on them, accepting that the most important thing of this relationship is the freedom of choice. Your understanding of this will give you the freedom to be you and continue to love the other person, because of their honesty. That’s where the relationship will flourish and continue to grow. Sometimes what happens is that one is ready and the other is not. As humans we begin to question why the other person is not ready if you have given your all, but if you look into yourself. You will see that the other person is giving their all. What you want may not be what they want. So you can’t bring in the old conventional domestication that where the acts of the world. To continue you must realize you love this person for who they are and in doing so, you love yourself for who you are. You want one thing and they wish to continue in the way it’s been. They are in their world and you in yours, the universe can still remain tranquil. If you accept them and what they feel right now. Why lose the friendship, because of something you want without concern for the others feelings. This is the one time you must look at the past and see what made this good for both. When you see it, you will know that sometimes change is not always the best thing at any given moment in a relationship, moreover the stability of the friendship relationship is what truly is important. You are you and they are themselves, you love yourself and they in turn love themselves. This is the thing that has connected your two worlds in this vast universe. Throw away the conventional thinking the world has impose upon you, see things for what they are and not what was impose on you by your domestication. Feel the freedom of your wings and continue to fly in the reality that you are in. love yourself and live. It is friendship that will last not the love.


The worst feeling to bring in a relationship
Halt something in progress: to stop doing something before it is completed, usually because of difficulty or danger
Abandoning the rescue attempt
Or abandon yourself - give in to emotion: to give yourself over to a powerful emotion
He abandoned himself to his grief.

There are many form of abandonment that might cause a relationship to be strained. Some of us have felt one or another form of it in our everyday lives. We as humans bring abandonment to a relationship, for instance. If we were abused sexually as a child and left to deal with it by ourselves, because of being threaten by the abuser or just fear. Maybe as a child thinking this is how it’s supposed to be. The trauma of the abuse stays with us. Some abused children/adults block the incident to protect their sanity, but in the long run it affects all future relationships. The question of self-esteem comes into play in our consciousness. The natural sense we are born with to love ourselves is replaced with thoughts that we deserved it, because we are different than everyone else. So any minor clash in a relationship takes us directly back to the old feeling of abandonment. We think that whatever is happening in the relationship is because we do not deserve to be loved. The problem is that we do not love ourselves. Again if we do not love ourselves how can we possibly believe that someone else can love us.

A child who is abandoned and raised as an orphan have one of the strongest senses of abandonment. They feel no matter what the circumstances of the loss of their parents it was their fault, because either they were not good enough, or the parents did not love them.


When they find someone they can love. They become possessive, believing that the love they are giving should be returned in the same degree. This creates major problems in a relationship. The ownership factor goes into effect. They keep constant tabs on the object of their affection, to the point of suffocation of the other person. What happens is that in the beginning, it is nice to have the attention, but after a while the other person just wants to escape this prison of constant attention. We all need our alone time, the freedom to be by ourselves (my own space) to do the things we like to enrich our own self esteem. The child of abandonment has the lowest self esteem. They need someone else to build their self esteem, things like a pat on the shoulder, what a good job, or the assuring words of “I love you”. This is what they feel is needed in their lives. The fact is if they could just love themselves none of those things are necessary. They then could believe that they are good enough to be loved.

There is another type of abandonment that works opposite of the two that where just previously mention. This is the sense of, (I don’t need anyone but myself) this does not mean that this person loves themselves, but rather why do you love me. They can’t see why someone can love them. So their thought process tells them, this person loves me, because they want something. In this case they become over productive people, they prove to themselves by their dedication and disciple that they do not need anyone else. These do love themselves, but it can be a self-destructive love. When they enter a relationship they enter it scrutinizing everything, looking to see what it is the other person wants. In their mind because of the abuse that they know was not their fault, but rather the want of the abuser, they see everyone who gets to close as wanting something or trying to take control of the life they have built by themselves. (How dare you tell me what to do). These are the ones who love, but still curl up into the fetal position and cry; because of the sense of abandonment that shows its face every now and again. But their belief in their selves and in their productive world filled with disciple carries them through. Do these people love themselves, I would say yes. Yet it can be destructive to a relationship, if they do love themselves. Why can they not believe that it is not always the wanting of something, why they’re being loved?



Thank you very much, But yes I realize I need to edit.
I am alwyas thankful for your input, never stop my friend across the pond.
Eddie C.


author comment


I just read this whole first draft and I want to say you are on the right path here in your insight into relationships. whether they be of lovers, parents, children and/or friends. You asked for no crit on grammar. I know this is your first rough draft. May I say it is good and yes upon my first reading you do need some work up of it. That is not a critical statement just what Ms Mona's take on it so far.

Do you have a copy editor or a proofreader who will go through your book to add suggestions at this time or will that come later? Just thought to ask you as I would not impose myself to do this at my own free will, but would be more then happy to take one segment at a time and offer some feedback if you like. I would not object if you do not want any help with it. And I also don't offer this up freely. You know I am an honest person who only shares what I know and how I feel here or anywhere...

I like the general concept of ONE. How it is so true that you have to love yourself first (not in a vain way) in order to love another and to set aside all superficial concepts that could or would hinder us in any and all relationships. Good thought process you have going on here so far Eddie.

I think your book will be great and I admire this challenge you are setting forth for yourself and for your readers also who struggle with SELF and relationships. I know from my own past experiences just what you are saying in this first part of the book. We so learn from the error of our ways and what went wrong and what could of been...shift to pause here...

. I can share alot of your thought pattern here and I believe you are on target with it. This is of my opinion and I encourage you to continue on. I just finished about a month or two ago copy editing and proofing a book about the Amazon Rainforest. I received a bonus for the job I did. (bragging rights:) You may be working with someone already on this aspect. I also encourage you to listen and appreciate any and all feedback you receive. For now I say you have a great start here and you are on your way to being a published author. It is not easy but it is achievable and I know you have it in you to do just that. So do not give up. It will happen as I sense you hold that spirit it takes to make it happen.
Okay I spent enough time on this..smiling.. but it was worth all of my 30 minutes to share with you my insights.

Best of wishes to you on this Eddie

Love and Blessings
Ms Mona

My sweet buddy,
I may just take you up on it. I just want to write some more. I will send you my Email in a PM so we can discuss it farther.
Thank you so much, bellisima!
Eddie C.

PS. I have to go to sleep now because been writing the whole night without sleep.
Do you here that?
it's my bed calling me, EDDIE COME TO ME! Hahaha!


author comment

And sleep for that is what we all need and you continue on with your book my friend. I am proud of you for doing just this. I love who you are and your feelings as a man reflect in all you say and do.

Ciao bella

Thank you for such a beatiful comment, I am taken aback by it.
Eddie C.


author comment
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