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My Box
I live in a box-
Cold and dark-
I have not heard
Another living thing
Since I was locked here.
When they put me here
I screamed and fought
To break the box-
The silence-
A silence of the purest breed,
The cold like none other,
And the darkness...
A darkness that would put
Hades thumb in his mouth.
I stopped struggling.
And I listened,
And I found my heart
Had stopped beating.
But somehow I knew,
I knew I was still alive.
And I know that someday
I will be set free of my box.
But until then I shall try,
Try to hold onto a small,
Intangible thread of hope.
And wait in the silence.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Maverick
Mon, 2011-02-21 16:01
Love it
It's one of those poems that you don't have to question, even though there are questions. Does that make sense? Well anyway, I would say revise a little of the second stanza, the 6th line, I wouldn't repeat the "I knew" and a little farther down in the 8th line of the 2nd stanza, you might get rid of the "my box" I think it would sound stronger with just "I will be set free." Just a thought.
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maverick |ˈmav(ə)rik|
noun
1 an unorthodox or independent-minded person