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The moment the light went out

The moment the light in her eyes went out,
like a snuffed-out candle, her sun lost its glow.
Vacantly staring at a whitewashed wall,
void of graffiti, its substance is gone.

Having to keep busy, busy like bees in a hive,
only to be outdone by frantic ants in a hill.
The heartbreaking cry of a thunderous sky wounded
by a boundless echo of distress.

The power of words is undeniable.
True or false, they're burning a hole in her soul.
Why not think twice about the discharge from your mouth
since the harm is not retrievable.

Consider the child pulling out the wings of a fly,
without a second thought!
The petals of a flower ripped apart,
one by one, in a mindless game:" she loves me, she loves me not"

Destroying the essence of beauty itself.
Looking for the sun that needs to appear every day.
Yearning to slice through those unyielding dark clouds
to restore her power in spite of the words.

Voiced with venom for a love lost.
A rejection that is not condoned
in a warped world of selfishness.
Time will heal all wounds or so they say.

With every beat of the clock a sliver of renewal
coats the crack in her soul.
And after the Earth has completed thousand circles
around the sun, she will regain her control.

The clout to stir up a fire in her heart so intense that
it will burst under that ferocious fireball of a
Fourth of July independence, where jubilant flags stir in
a wind of satisfaction like a bear who's found her pot of honey.

Needing to embrace that sun completely,
a magnificent upside-down rainbow appears
in the center of her world and at that moment
the light in her eyes will gently ignite.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
this is a work in progress. I would like some comments, please
Editing stage: 

Comments

to say the least! You have twisted the meaning of some of the words, to fit. And they do! I like this, and the overall theme, and logic seems to be, somone thinking, and becoming more lucid. I'm not sure of how I would work this one, so I can't give any advice as to what to do with it, but, I am curious to see what becomes of it. Keep working, ~ Geezer

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

This needs work as you indicated. I know you are up to the task. Think of what you want to say and how to weave separate thoughts together. Which words are needed and which words aren't.

You do that & this will be an *accomplished* poem.

~A

this line I like "Why not think twice about the discharge from your mouth
since the harm is not retrievable." I like the strength of though behind this
one, I will return for the edit ,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

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