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what I learned in the wilderness LOL only b Happy

went to heaven to explore
the gardens
of Eden of yore
what for
were they now obscure
no loved
no lovedly
how will we add children more?
poets and poetry does lure
all produce all over the same way as before
Gardens any where will do for sure
but find your opposite pair to ensure
the genes entwine as much as ever before

god released wisdom to all
why seek in the wilderness now any more
go back and in her secure
the gardens will flower as
ever much as before
now no lovers you need to lure
progeny reproduction is the only cure
all ailments subside
that only God will ensure
when you are not roaming about as before..
the end!


A couple of small crits.
god released wisdom to all
(you've got to be joking, god released wisdom to a tiny majority, or if you mean all nature, it is seriously flawed and definitely uncaring)

why seek in the wilderness now any more
(because if I believe in any sort of spirituality it is because it is wild and untamed, a reminder of that part of our nature.)
A gem.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Conceited lover

I am too beautiful for thee....
Who only faces love to see...
my heart is glory...

unlike many I love the kith and kin here....
who love me and endear. without any fear...

see not my inner looks only...
O blasted!
what a desire
a live fire....

I live not on doles or dancing poles....
I am unique you also know...
so remain within your own fold...
let darkness not be your outcome....
where will then go one's soul...

I wonder!

author comment

Sir Lancelot we all knew

nice lovely story
not so gory
as that of Sir Lancelot we all know
for his honesty the King trusted him dearly
left the chastity key of his wife
with Sir Lancelot
hoped he alone will take care of her secret slot

No further than 300 yards he strode,
Lancelot at speed rode
said Sire you giveth me the wrong key...

The king felt
and smelt
the foul smell..

He smiled... take care and moved ahead...

The Knight remained saddened
alone that night,
with his plight
the delirious Queen besides
within his shaming sight

eyes fallen
Sir Lance's pride was stolen....
That's what I leaned
when his predicament he unfurled..

the Queen calmly curled ..
Lancy kissed and swirled,
didn't dare to even his finger curl
He volunteered to please the Queen
his tongue sheared.......

author comment

infatuation= crush =but as limerence

author comment

You are beginning to sound like our CPS here in this UK Judge and jury of all they have.
Let other crit your words, it is a way of learning, and don't tell me you are above learning lol.
Take care young Bard,
As always Ian.
PS:-Jess gave you a good review and that is a step in the right direction..

Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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