Lamington

Member since August 4, 2021

Member for 4 years, 10 months

member

13 Poems

60 Comments

2 Followers

Most recent

Bay City Romance - A Tribute to Raymond Chandler

Posted Nov 24, 2023 · 40 lines · 4 critiques

Bay City. It's a nice little town, a prosperous little town;
Sea breezes off the ocean just about mask the stink of corruption.
Some say the sewage system is overloaded with half digested hot dogs;
Jesus, it's California and money talks. I needed a drink bad.
I walked into a bar just off Arguello Boulevard. Maybe 'bout five p.m.
I told the bartender to give me a shot of his best rye and leave the bottle.
He laughed in my face as he poured it but I'm a hopeful kind of guy.
I sat on a stool at the bar and looked around: it was a dump.

It was as hot as Hell outside and so was I, hot and horny for a dame.
A glazed-over eyed old alkie slumped on a chair in a corner;
There were a couple of broads sat at the bar and I toasted them.
One was all woman, my kind of woman, young but old enough;
Blonde hair down to her shoulders, eyes like ponds of icewater,
Legs going right up to her armpits, enough to tempt a saint,

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Her mouth a luscious gash, lips like two blood-red frankfurters,
The kind of mouth inviting you to lick her molars clean.

She was the sort of woman who could make any regular guy, even me,
Roll over on his back, all four paws in the air, begging for it.
I knew it and she knew it. She was a beautiful piece of work.
The other woman was a dog. They were Beauty and the Beast.
You've got to have some beasts in this life, that's how it goes, I guess.
She was big, maybe not as big as a beer truck, but not far off.
She was as cute as a cracked washtub and her face was a bucket of lard.
Her chin had a dimple you could hide a marble in and not touch the sides.

I knew the score, I'd been there before: they came as a pair.
One was a dream, the other your worst nightmare,
Great in the sack, but only if you enjoy grunting hogs.
What the Hell, I told the barkeep to send them over some drinks.
The blonde took a Bacardi and gave me the glad eye
And the big one ordered a quart of beer, like she was on a diet.
They declined my sophisticated small talk and told me the deal:
Two C notes for the blonde solo, fifty percent off if I went for the duo.

Back at my hotel on Central Ave,, I found out it was a good price:
The dream girl had a body to die for but showed as much enthusiasm
As a turkey shows for Thanksgiving, which is Goddam' close to zero.
But the Beast sucked like a Hoover (and J.Edgar I don't mean)
And rode me like the Lone Ranger galloping over the prairie,
Taking me all the way down the long winding trail home.
She had an ass like a hippo and she wobbled like giant jello.
Motto: when you die, it's the big sleep; so, never say no to a woman

Lamington’s timeline

November 2023
28 Tue

Critiqued
"Apoplectic curmudgeon fumbles..." by @Jane A. Rug
"Another great comment from neo."
28 Tue

Critiqued
"DRACULA AT THE SEASIDE" by @The Poet In The Pub
"I have a friend who is convinced she is a vampire. I know i certainly enjoy her love bites."
28 Tue

Received a critique
on Bay City Romance - A Tribute to Raymond Chandler from @Ruby Lord
"Ha ha this is good. Your opening to Chandler's novel as you see it, is a perfect tribute to his writing style. There are a lot of great lines in there so I'll pick the three that made me giggle first read, this does not…"
27 Mon

Critiqued
"LIFE’S BETTER WHEN YOU IGNORE THE SHIT" by @Ruby Lord
"I am not sure "happy as shit on a rock" works really. Why would a turd be happy on a rock where it would dry out?"
27 Mon

Critiqued
"THE UNKNOWN BLOOD VAMPIRE" by @Jokerface82
""what the fuck" is very poetic indeed. What a pity Shakespeare, Keats, Byron, Shelley and all the others never saw fit to use that one."
24 Fri

New follower
@Geezer
24 Fri

Critiqued
"The bane of a cold sore inside my mouth" by @Jane A. Rug
"Oral hygiene is something very close to my own heart. Mercifully I do not suffer from cold sores and I understand they are often caught/caused by osculating with the wrong person at the wrong time.The reference to "Mein…"
24 Fri

Critiqued
"Prune juice as effective emetic" by @Jane A. Rug
"It is delightful to read a poem concentrating on excessive defecation and other bodily functions. I smiled several times, you will be pleased to learn. i liked that you avided the temptation of vulgarity. One point; as…"
24 Fri

Posted a poem
Bay City Romance - A Tribute to Raymond Chandler
"Bay City. It's a nice little town, a prosperous little town;"
Open thread 40 lines
October 2023
27 Fri

Received a critique
on The Proletarian Feeding Mantra from @Geezer
"that my comment wasn't the most comprehensive. I meant that I like fish n' chips and in a particular manner. Your poem brought me some enjoyment, and camaraderie which I presumed was the reason for the piece in the firs…"
26 Thu

Received a critique
on The Proletarian Feeding Mantra from @Ruby Lord
"I did enjoy this, it was great in terms of rhyme and near rhyme and I liked the rhythm. I also loved the way you used a common occurrence to write a poem. Well done, loved it. Ruby :)"
25 Wed

Received a critique
on The Proletarian Feeding Mantra from @Geezer
"about the Fish and Chips shops. I rather like some of the fish fries and potato fries that you call chips. Yes, for a real treat, some hot fish and fries that my mother used to make! I like catsup and tartar sauce for t…"
25 Wed

Critiqued
"Weighing Silence " by @___V___
"I think you'll find it's "sewn" not "sown"!"
25 Wed

Posted a poem
The Proletarian Feeding Mantra
"It's half past six and I'm starving;"
Open thread 16 lines
13 Fri

Critiqued
"My Sister loves Freddy Krueger" by @Triskelion
"Who's Freddy Krueger?"
May 2023
20 Sat

Received a critique
on Valentine's Slop from @Obadiah Grey
"Tosser. Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson!!! Yer've spilt yer seed yer've spent it as did Onan on a barren land, and no flower grew where you shot through off a ninety nine change hand!! Miss your wit; Yers, "The fortu…"
August 2022
04 Thu

Anniversary
One year of membership
February 2022
13 Sun

Received a critique
on A Candle from @Entend2u
"Thanks Lamington - I won't adopt your poem but it was an interesting experience all the same. Will"
13 Sun

Received a critique
on A Candle from @Entend2u
"Hi Lamington Your basic material has some good stuff in it but I think it would read better in terms of rhythm and rhyme if you presented it in rhyming couplets (as I have done in one I posted recently for the same reas…"
08 Tue

Received a critique
on Valentine's Slop from @scribbler
"being the romantic person you are it will take more than luck for you to have company lol"
06 Sun

Posted a poem
Valentine's Slop
"Valentine's Day my arse!"
Open thread 17 lines
02 Wed

Posted a poem
The Boss
"Sweetly you kiss my cheek"
Open thread 12 lines
January 2022
27 Thu

New follower
@Ray Whitaker
19 Wed

Posted a poem
En Provence
"In a village in Provence"
Open thread 4 lines
11 Tue

Posted a poem
Somethimg Green
"Mary had a lady parrot"
Open thread 28 lines
October 2021
17 Sun

Posted a poem
Mother's Boy
"A man, so proud, so strong so tall"
Open thread 19 lines
September 2021
01 Wed

Contest commendation
August Limerick

with "Sydney Xmas Limerick".
01 Wed

First contest commendation
August Limerick

with the poem "Sydney Xmas Limerick".
August 2021
30 Mon

Posted a poem
The Fatso of Shalott
"On either side the chip shop lie"
Open thread 45 lines
21 Sat

Posted a poem
Cat
"If you want chaos, then keep a cat"
Open thread 24 lines
19 Thu

Posted a poem
The Zebra
"A zebra, living in the zoo,"
Open thread 32 lines
15 Sun

Highest posting month
August 2021 — 6 poems
07 Sat

First critique offered
on "Limerick contest entry" by @Triskelion
07 Sat

Posted a poem
Sydney Xmas Limerick
"At Christmas in Sydney it's hot"
Open thread 5 lines
05 Thu

Posted a poem
Gourmand
"Antagonistic I have always been"
Open thread 14 lines
04 Wed

First publication
A Candle
04 Wed

Joined Neopoet
Membership begins

First poem published 1 days later.

About Me

About me

I am quite old. Old enough to know better, some might say.

I have been writing for over 50 years, mostly in professional journals, although plus the odd essay, book review, magazine article and published poem.

I think I have quite a good sense of humour and I enjoy a REALLY FILTHY joke now and then.

"Apoplectic curmudgeon fumbles..." by @Jane A. Rug

"DRACULA AT THE SEASIDE" by @The Poet In The Pub

on Bay City Romance - A Tribute to Raymond Chandler from @Ruby Lord

"LIFE’S BETTER WHEN YOU IGNORE THE SHIT" by @Ruby Lord

"THE UNKNOWN BLOOD VAMPIRE" by @Jokerface82

"The bane of a cold sore inside my mouth" by @Jane A. Rug

"Prune juice as effective emetic" by @Jane A. Rug

on The Proletarian Feeding Mantra from @Geezer

on The Proletarian Feeding Mantra from @Ruby Lord

on The Proletarian Feeding Mantra from @Geezer

"Weighing Silence " by @___V___

"My Sister loves Freddy Krueger" by @Triskelion

on Valentine's Slop from @Obadiah Grey

One year of membership

on A Candle from @Entend2u

on A Candle from @Entend2u

on Valentine's Slop from @scribbler

August 2021 — 6 poems

on "Limerick contest entry" by @Triskelion

Membership begins

About Me

Recent Work

Contest Wins

Workshops

Followed By

"Weighing Silence " by @_V_