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Haiku and English Language

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Even among old traditional schools of Haiku
there was a question whether 5-7-5 is the only way to structure the message.
But structure is needed to keep the text dense, to concentrate the content to its limits, to make it to ring like a tight string.

cold wind
branches swing
ruffled feathers

branch swings
birds hold on
winter berries

woke up
looked outside
silent winter

I I have realized that English is a short word language that needs different rules to keep a poet to the point. Here I suggest a 2-3-4 structure to explore the capacity of English language for forming brief multifaceted poetic message.
What do Neopoets think?
Let's do something that would distinguish our poetic face from any other groups and movements.
If not neohaiku, perhaps something else?

I will:)

IRiz

author comment

I will:)

IRiz

author comment

You are really on to something here and I am very excited about running a workshop with you about it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I am excited to see that this new form is getting more interest, attention and participation. Let's get more members into this who would love it and contribute through value addition, especially coining a name for this form...keep the buzz on...

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

nisanshi Gyō uta?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

It sounds like a spell, what does it mean?

IRiz

author comment

Posted a little while ago a Sunku if it is ultimately being called that...on the theme of Bloody Rad Blue Supermoon....this addiction is getting to me ...blame it on IRiz...lol..

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Maybe sunku, I want to consult my Japanese friend and tanka master Rika Inami.
Have you posted your moon-poem in your stream?

IRiz

author comment

IRiz it's always good to get expert opinion before settling on something as important as coining a name for a new poetry form..this is because it will be a so to say an iconic moment in the annals of poetry...

Yes, I have posted "A Bloody Red Blue Moon" in the stream...more to draw attention of those who care to read it to this new form and to get them to this Forum Topic...more the merrier eh!

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I agree

IRiz

author comment

Mad girl
bit me hard
there are scars

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Super

IRiz

author comment

bites heal
burnt books don't
that was the end.

Since then
art is all
my craft is me

alone
not lonely
I have you all.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Fantastic write. Sweet.
I cherish my virtual friends too.
Thank you for your great take.
My Japanese friend told me that the common form of loose three lines called sungyoku, so we might be okay for strictly limited structure to be called sunku in English. She just doesn't care much about English politely indicating that we can do whatever we want with the language she "doesn't know". But she knows it all right and she likes my poems. My guess she doesn't care much about novel forms being prehistoric classical tanka writer. She explained to me that she even uses archaic Japanese for her writings. She is a star of dogmatic rules:) I find it cute.

IRiz

author comment

when she said there was no Japanese word for romantic love. And she really did try to burn my books, in the house! It was the only time I've ever called the cops in my life.

She bit
she burnt books
I called her Steerpike

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Yes your poem sounded like a first hand experience.
Look at the bright side.

IRiz

author comment

creativity thy name is
poet- try
let in brevity
wisdom lie
you have created
a wondrous form
all must and will
follow

unless you haven't found out already, online search tells me:-

Surimu in Japanese means slim
Torimu in Japanese means trim
Kurisupu means crisp

May be these could help in your search for an appropriate name

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you, my friend. It is very helpful.
The idea of using trim meaning is very attractive.

IRiz

author comment

You've done it now Riz. Are you aware what the next stage of coming up with a new form is? Running a workshop on said form. You should be expecting a request about doing so soon from whoever the workshop director is now before too long. No good deed goes unpunished lmao......stan

I hope I will get help from someone laughing so hard.

IRiz

author comment

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