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When the Maidens from the Kitchen of Hell Rebel
Venus finally awakened and eyed
She had seen enough of so much lost pride
Christ died on the cross it was thought for all men
And my love, she thought, was it all a sin
She gazed at the world lit up that morn
Only knew women, she knew they were torn
Tween the orders they had and desires to be free
The feelings of women are strongest to be
With a broom she had swept herself and all so clean
Tended the bull who was always so mean
Survived the nights by way of laudanum
Surely to keep her feelings again numb
Enough cried Venus as she sat at the chess board
Now for all maidens to pick up arms by the hoard
And out from the universe Venus gave them talk
Men no longer considered them fodder for balk
So they took up their arms and stood side by side
Woman of all ages color and pride
And they marched forward, a force to behold
A new dawn of freedom, a new story to be told
Style / type:
Structured: Western
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-05-28 21:57
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Seren
Mon, 2023-05-29 20:02
Dear Maximus
Double
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Mon, 2023-05-29 20:08
Dear Maximus
This is a really strong write. I think it's up there with one of your best. It's got such a strong ending I love how they've stood up to fight. It has echos of the suffragette movement. I don't see anything I'd change it's standing on its feet with strength.
A really strong write! Kudos
Kind regards
Jayne.
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Ruby Lord
Tue, 2023-05-30 05:37
An interesting analysis of
An interesting analysis of subject. I enjoyed it and your words gave me many images. There is one line that I think may benefit from restruturing in the third stanza: "Surely to keep her feelings numb again" It may be better to reverse the order of the last two words to meet the structure of the rhyming scheme? "Surely to keep her feelings again numb"
Good read with lots of imagery and excellent use of metaphor. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Geezer
Tue, 2023-05-30 10:34
I don't...
remember the suffrage movement, [I'm not quite that old], but I do remember many of the women when I was growing up, feeling like they had no choice to be but what society made them. The ones who kept the family together, and tended to the
"bull" [meaning the male who headed the family], who was often mean and made life miserable, because they couldn't understand why women wanted more than what they had; what they were born for. I saw it with my mother, her friends and many of my friend's mothers. This is partially alluded to in my poem "The Passing of East Main St. Good job Mark. ~ Geez.
.
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RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-06-03 09:52
This was great
A very powerful, well constructed poem. Good job.
~RoseBlack~
Leslie
Sat, 2023-11-25 16:31
Mark
When I read this I could see the workings of the poem in my
own family. Although my father could be somewhat bullish.
I also know that he dealt with a lot of depression. My mother
did also. Not to side with dad but it explains a lot of his behavior.
In any event sometimes a little bad can do some good. My
parents eventually came together and because my mom was
patient he became a much better person. By no means were
things perfect but they found a way to make things better.
which was meaningful to the whole family. I know that in the world
in general this was atypical but this is how it seemed from my
end of the telescope.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Sat, 2023-11-25 17:41
Cool
That is just how it came across to me. Great job none the less.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Sat, 2023-12-23 02:51
Mark
I can see that men contribute to the dumbing down and
desensitization of a womans spirit. In this one I liked that
Venus gave the women talk. It is sad that more men won't
just take time if only to listen.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!