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IN THE WAITING ROOM (imagery shop) rewrite

In this waiting room I sit
old eyes are red from lack of sleep
hospital chair don't ever fit
wall clock's hands just barely creep

Stomach wanting to vent gas
as it rebels from vending food
but I refuse to let it pass
unlike some here in this brood

All the magazines areold
the newest May of oh eleven
one has even grown some mold
this place is near reverse of heaven

The walls are institution green
adorned by bland and cheap-framed art
tled floors are dull and lacking sheen
my soul insists that I depart

But I remain, I'm duty bound
though the wait has been too long
I'd prefer to be following a hound
and listening to its plaintive song

I feel the stubble on my face
and catcg the whiff of my own smell
mixed with those in this closed space
but it's the waiting which is hell

Doctors come and nurses go
bearing news to strangers near
hours pass and tensions grow
shall I be the last to hear?

At last a surgeon dressed in green
arrives and scans near empty room
(he looks to be about sixteen)
doed he bring news of joy or doom?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Hi Ya'll I tried to write this to show how different types of imagery can reinforce each other............stan
Editing stage: 

Comments

i think what i've learned from this workshop is that one type of imagery relies on another, or others, to create a moment in time. thanks for the workshop and great write.
always,
mag

Imagery is one of the components of poetry which can allow a writer to set the stage for a poem and let the reader journey along side in the story. I'm pleased you got something out of my 1st workshop and thanks for joining.............stan

author comment

a nice blending of different types of imagery! I like the revision best. And these lines:

But I remain, I'm duty bound
though the wait has been too long
I'd prefer to be following a hound
and listening to its plaintive song

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks. I hope even your short time here has helped you in using imagery........stan

author comment
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