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MORNING'S POST
During these minutes before dawn
along this trail i walk upon
rugged woods far from the fen
I seek refuge once again.
Into the forest I am drawn.
The world of men has gone insane
news of naught but war and pain
and the hatred all of this has borne
leaves hopes of peace of mind forlorn
so toward a refuge I now strain.
So having left one world behind
I trek into these woods to find
myself beneath a canopy high and dense
far from any type of fence.
I approach quietude and peace of mind.
Now as dawn becomes full day,
all traces of night gone away
I stop and sit against an old oak tree
just to see what I might see
as the sky turns to blue from gray.
On this low bluff above a stream
which flows as gently as a dream
with closed eyes and open ears
I abandon anxieties and tears...
and drift to another land it seems.
then startle at a snorting deer
from a privet thicket near.
it splashes through the disturbed creek
without giving me even a peek.
I doubt it has an ounce of fear.
His exit makes a fox squirrel bark
which in turn disturbs a lark
which flashes by as it departs
just as a mild breeze starts
here in a natural formed park.
A shadow passes overhead
I look up to spy a hawk, instead,
a buzzard floats by way up high
in clear cobalt blue sky
as he seeks some prey already dead.
I stretch and inhale deeply
the musk of duff surrounding me
then the scent of a far off pole cat.
(I'm glad I'm not near where that's at.
I shift a leg ease my knee.
Then with a grunt I regain my feet
listening to old heart beat
look about deciding where next to go
as shadows all begin to grow.
I turn and begin my retreat.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-03-30 05:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses imagery to immerse the reader in the natural setting. The vivid description of the surroundings and the wildlife creates a sense of tranquility and escape from the chaos of the world. The use of rhyming couplets and a consistent meter also contribute to the poem's soothing rhythm.
However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The transition from the narrator's reflection on the state of the world to their journey into the woods could be smoother. The abrupt shift from societal issues to personal refuge might be jarring for some readers.
The poem could also benefit from more varied sentence structure. The majority of the lines in the poem are declarative sentences, which can make the poem feel monotonous after a while. Incorporating more complex sentences or rhetorical questions could add depth to the poem and keep the reader engaged.
Lastly, the poem's punctuation is inconsistent. In some stanzas, each line ends with a period, while in others, there are no punctuation marks at all. Consistent punctuation would improve the poem's readability and flow.
In conclusion, while the poem successfully creates a vivid and tranquil natural setting, it could be enhanced by smoother transitions, varied sentence structure, and consistent punctuation.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
David Grigorian
Fri, 2024-03-29 23:58
imagery
I can really see the forest and the animals roaming around. We need to take care of our environment.
scribbler
Sat, 2024-03-30 10:31
Hi David
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. And yes we need to continue protecting our planet.
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2024-03-30 07:15
Dear Scribbler,
I am always happy to read one of your poems...reading them grounds me. I do worry about you when you go alone into the woods. I fear that you will fall and break something! so you be very careful and take your phone with you and a good walking stick, too!
My favorite lines are:
Now as dawn becomes full day,
all traces of night gone sway
I stop and sit against an old oak tree
just to see what I might see
as the sky turns to blue from gray.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Sat, 2024-03-30 10:37
Hi Cat
I guess falling down would ground me too lol. I actually wrote a poem about falling down. And yes I've fallen before . But it's worth the pain to regain my compass.I DO take my phone and staff with me just in case. Thank you for your concern.......What is the title to that poem??????.........Oh yeah "Impact crater"
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2024-03-30 11:30
Impact Crater?
is that the title of the poem? I could not find it...I went back to 2018 do you know what year you wrote it?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Sat, 2024-03-30 12:58
Well........March 2016
But I'll just post it here and save you the trouble
A hollow type of dull low sound
followed by acorns shaken from oak trees
which bounce off the wet red ground
which has just begun to now unfreeze.
All the wildlife has gone still
at having felt this minor shake,
hardly sensed beyond this hill,
an unrecorded mini-quake.
Impact ripples cross the beaver pond.
They form then they disappear
hardly breaking surface tension's bond.
One single snort from a near deer.
I see this from a lowly point of view
while waiting for knee pain to pass.
I'll tell you now that this is through
I slipped and fell down on my ass.
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2024-03-30 14:57
Dear Stan,
I was mesmerized by the telling of this story. I lived in Oakland Cal. for a brief period back around late 1969 . I did not experience any quakes at all. I really admired this part of the story:
All the wildlife has gone still
at having felt this minor shake,
hardly sensed beyond this hill,
an unrecorded mini-quake.
Impact ripples cross the beaver pond.
They form then they disappear
hardly breaking surface tension's bond.
One single snort from a near deer.
You are a nature born storyteller. Probably because of your understanding of nature!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Sat, 2024-03-30 12:24
Yes...
I cannot remember the form, but it suits you well. I'm not sure that you care about scansion, meter, whatever, but I will say that there are a few places it could use a touch. I was just a bit disappointed, that you didn't continue the form until the end. I think it would have made it much more effective. That said; I was transported to another world, another time. Once again, with my hiking buddy Lew. We explored the state parks and preserves of Connecticut, and... anyway, thank you for the return to those woods. I felt that we had walked along with you. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Sat, 2024-03-30 13:01
Hi Gee
It's really tough to maintain meter in this particular rhyme pattern. Indeed it's no picnic to retain the pattern at all. Hence the change in pattern in last stanza. But you know me, I'll return to this later and see if I can fix it. Maybe then you can walk along without a stumble lol
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2024-03-31 10:49
I tripped...
on my own two feet, not watching where I was going. I was just so glad to be there. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
tyro
Mon, 2024-04-01 05:19
a beautiful pictorial which
a beautiful pictorial which sooth the heart and brings on the tranqulity of soft nature. Your discription is so evocative I felt I was there, being thankful for the experience. Thank you.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
scribbler
Mon, 2024-04-01 11:17
Hi Tyro
Good to see you dropped by for a read.
author comment