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SON2FATHER
Don't cry Daddy, you should be more tough
Don't cry Daddy, you're acting like a puff
Don't cry Daddy just because she called you names
Don't cry Daddy, you should be ashamed!
Don't cry Daddy, cause she thought she had more class
I'd have slapped her 'round the head or fucked her in the ass
Don't cry Daddy cause she thought you were a slob
It must've been years since she last sucked your knob
Don't cry Daddy about the money that you spent
You'll get better value every time you pay the rent
Don't cry Daddy, that she got on her bike
You can now get a hooker at any time you like!
Don't cry Daddy, you're the Lord of your own health
Next time you buy cocaine, it's only for yourself
Don't cry Daddy cause I wouldn't shed a tear
Now each time you go out you can drink a bit more beer!
Don't cry Daddy, about your broken dreams
You can go on holiday and NOT go to museums!
Don't cry Daddy, about her spoken words
Now you needn't worry about your floating turds
Don't cry Daddy, these are your Golden Times
This must've saved you a lot more worry lines
She really should've thought when she didn't drop her drawers
Now you can have a skunk farm and your pension will be yours!
Don't cry Daddy, it's a blessing in disguise
You're acting like a pussy, when you should be the prize
Marriage breakdown isn't the disaster that it seems
Why don't you just go out and buy some Contact Magazines?
copyright Phil Atherton 2019.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
The red pill / blue pill debate here. Imagine the ironic scenario whereby the middle-aged father is inconsolable with grief, at his martial breakup but his 17-year-old son - who has no truck with this sentimental malarkey - is offering his frank, filial advice. These are modern times, they're saying.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-23 16:51
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "SON2FATHER" employs a conversational tone and a consistent rhyme scheme, which gives it a rhythmic flow. The repetition of the phrase "Don't cry Daddy" creates a refrain that emphasizes the speaker's message to the father figure. However, the poem could benefit from more nuanced language and a deeper exploration of emotions. The use of explicit and colloquial language might resonate with some readers, but it could also limit the poem's appeal to a broader audience.
The poem seems to explore the theme of a father-son relationship and the son's attempt to console his father after a relationship breakdown. However, the speaker's advice often comes across as dismissive and insensitive, which may not be the intended effect. The poem could benefit from a more empathetic portrayal of the father's feelings, which would add depth to the characters and their relationship.
The poem also includes some controversial themes such as drug use and prostitution. While these can be valid subjects for poetry, they should be handled with care to avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes or offending readers. The poem could explore these themes in a more thoughtful and nuanced way, perhaps by showing the consequences of these actions or by presenting them as part of a larger commentary on society.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more structured narrative or a clear progression of ideas. The speaker's advice to the father seems to jump from one topic to another without a clear connection, which can make the poem feel disjointed. A more coherent narrative would make the poem more engaging and easier to follow.
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