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Juvenile Detention
I know you don’t know what you’re doing.
I know you don’t know how to heal.
But the way that you hit me
and the way that you hurt me
left me with nothing to feel.
You said you loved me, and left me
alone in this upside-down world.
Your eyes looking down
and your lips turn to frown
and your hands tightly fisted and curled.
“I do this because I love you”
“You have a lesson to learn.”
My skin turns to ice
and I run for my life
'til my body is ready to burn.
Running forever, it’s seeming.
Breathless and freezing and hot.
But I run from my home
the only place that I’ve known.
My whole life, I wish I forgot.
Flashing blue lights are behind me.
Do I stop? Do I run? Do I hide?
“Do you have any weapons?”
“You are being discrepant.”
“Do what you need to keep her inside.”
Alone in my bedroom, my prison.
I sit, once again, all alone.
There’s no one who’s there
and no one to care.
The only place that I can call home.
Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-11-15 00:44
This is an interesting poem...
in many respects.
I love your five-line format. It lends itself very well to the rhythm
and feel of the poem. I am glad that you feel good enough to say; rip it up
you don't have any sensitivity to the subject. I think you have done a fine job of expressing yourself in rhyme.
It doesn't seem to have limited you in any way. I write mostly in rhyme but there are times
that I write free verse and even some prose now and then. Your rhythm is just about perfect
and I find no fault. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Kristen H.
Tue, 2022-11-15 02:15
Thank you!
Thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate your honest opinion!
Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2022-11-15 05:45
Agree with Geezer
The five line stanzas are perfect for a poem of this subject matter. Life being chaotic and absurd, it has a way of being extra. The extra line in each stanza is reflective of this phenomenon. Just when you think it’s over, here’s a little more.
The poem is really good so there’s not much to “rip” into.
Tim
Kristen H.
Tue, 2022-11-15 06:12
Thank you!
Thank you very much!
Mr joghe
Tue, 2022-11-15 05:56
Geezer and Rosewood gave good
Geezer and Rosewood gave good critiques on your poem... There's no crime in trying... Move on!
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Kristen H.
Tue, 2022-11-15 06:13
Thank you!
Thank you very much!