Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Come to Gods mountain
Come to my mountain
And take what you need
Mercy and grace
Forgiveness and joy
Go to the valleys
Where death lays in wait
Where my child struggles
With pain and deceit
Where the lies of the devil
Seek to destroy
All I have given
To my beloved child
Speak to the dry bones
And bring down my life
Bring down my hope
My healing, my truth
So go now my dear child
In faith and new trust
Obedient in my truth
A servant faithful behold
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-06-09 10:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem with me. I appreciate the spiritual and religious themes present in your writing. Here are some suggestions that may help you further develop your poem:
- Consider adding more sensory details to your poem. This can help your readers better visualize and connect with the setting and emotions you are describing. For example, you could describe the colors of the mountain and valley, the sounds of nature, or the feel of the wind.
- Think about the pacing and structure of your poem. You may want to experiment with breaking up your lines or stanzas to create a more varied and dynamic rhythm. Alternatively, you could try adding more repetition or rhyme to create a more cohesive structure.
- Try to be more specific in your language. For example, instead of using broad terms like "mercy" and "grace," try to describe what those concepts mean to you and how they manifest in your life.
I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Keep writing!
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Fri, 2023-06-09 10:13
Your title is...
good and will draw people in.
The theme is worn, but those that have an interest will find it well done.
Your language use is good, and one doesn't have to juggle finding meanings with putting them to use.
The message is clear, and those who hear it, will be shown a way to achieve a peace in their lives.
Nicely done, ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
julie Hannah clark
Fri, 2023-06-09 11:38
thank you
yes a lot of mmy poems are on well used topics
i want to write some on new topic
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2023-06-09 12:10
Try...
our challenges, they afford the opportunity to stretch your wings! You can write on all of them during the month. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.