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A Captain Speaks

As a bit stream,
into which river would you flow
if given the choice?
All is ahead, it is all there for you,
yet to be discovered. 5

You have motion and your dreams.
You burble some times with love,
and the restlessness of youth
drives the conviction that
You alone hold the power of the future. 5

You concentrate in droves
and Placard your demands for change,
and march in a stupor.
You refuse to revisit our past,
having no time for history.
How will you learn? 5

We offer ample time to be understood,
but the precious wisdom
is not accessed, not even a byte.
Afterall who can look up the future?
Who would dare? 5

Our engine shares with all
all because of a life lived.
It speaks and will listen to all
because of life.
It will forgo for all
because of its own imminent death. 5

There are a myriad reasons
to fear the past,
it haunts in the chromosomes,
it leaches from the skin.
It forgets nothing. 5

And the time table of truth,
Tests the water in which all drown. 2

There is nothing as unsure
as the certainty of youth.
for whom life is total or nothing.
But the ransom of worthiness
is written in the hearts of all people. 5

And the Captain recalls everything
as the ship is sucked under.
That the avoidable plot line
was too rich for the young.
Too sweet and too sickening. 5

Whilst the tables had been turned.
Unfortunately,
the Baton too was dropped.
And as the Delta is approached,
Those yet to die, dangle over graves.
59

Pryderi Duntz

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Generation gaps are sooo wasteful.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

one a lot! I understand that the generations and the gaps between them, should be bridged. Beware of the lecture thing though, you know, the one that goes: "Those earphones and that loud music will hurt your ears!" Or, "How can you listen to that crap?" You will get much better reactions with, " Hey, ya got some nice earphones there, I'll bet that you don't have to have it blasting to hear all the subtle nuances of the background bass." Anyway, I appreciated these lines the most:

There is nothing as unsure
as the certainty of youth.
for whom life is total or nothing.
But the ransom of worthiness
is written in the hearts of all people. 5

And I couldn't miss these lines either!

And the Captain recalls everything
as the ship is sucked under.
That the avoidable plot line
was too rich for the young.
Too sweet and too sickening. 5

~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hey Geezer, thanks for the in-depth on this piece. I do appreciate the feedback. Yes I do understand your “lecture “. point you make.

I felt the piece to be a little muddled. for example, “The sinking ship” a loose Titanic (ish) and vague reference, and then that Track & Field “baton change” simile to lifes’ inter generational handover.

I am left uneasy about how this piece really communicates.

Thanks again.

Pryderi Duntz

The Art or The Math?

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