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Best Foot Forward

Submitted by Twizzle48 on Tue, 2023-08-01 00:05

BEST FOOT FORWARD

Neither of my feet made of wood
And with no artificial limb in sight
Stealing a march is a sort of theft
But without a parade, what is left
I never will step off with the right
Yet I think that one is just as good

Here, one must look but also see
In this hot war-torn Afghanistan
On patrol, there is always danger
The risk of death is no stranger
A best foot forward if you can
But must never step on an I.E.D

I’m back in Blighty with just one leg
As a uniformed wheelchair soldier
Watch your step where you tread
Lose your foot but keep your head
Just as the sergeant-major told ya
For early warning, ask Mystic Meg

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 30th To August 5th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2023-08-01 17:15

Geezer's picture
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this to be a form called a sestain. I am not sure if you need to keep a strict meter, in this case, but I think that it is close enough, considering that it is a complicated rhyme scheme. Not a romantic or pleasing theme, but certainly a worthy one.
Nicely done! P.S. I don't know if it has occurred to you, but the Not actively editing, seems to indicate that you are not going to take advice and do any edit? ~ Geezer.
.

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Ruby Lord

Thu, 2023-08-03 10:57

Ruby Lord's picture

The rhyming scheme is different and I haven't seen this format before, I like it. What you lack in punctuation, your story makes up for. It's a difficult topic to write about but you have delivered us a journey that for any service professional must be an impossible path to take. Well done, Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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