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UNSWERVING

Submitted by Twizzle48 on Thu, 2024-02-08 18:22

UNSWERVING

Sometimes when things just do not go to plan
And it all seems to be falling apart
Redouble efforts as much as you can
And if necessary, make a new start

There are some who will always press ahead
And there are others who may just give up
Or frustrated, change direction instead
Resigning themselves to a half-full cup

Unlike those who quitted when failure loomed
There is a special force that fires the blood
Original focus can be resumed
More productive than just chewing the cud

So gird your loins and return to the fray
And find success at the end of the day

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 02/04/24 to 02/10/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2024-02-09 14:55

Geezer's picture
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line rhyme is difficult to keep up for any length of time,
I applaud your success. I think that you could trim a couple of lines to make them a bit smoother.

I would drop the [just] in the first line, [it doesn't add anything].

The word [necessary] seems cumbersome; maybe change the line to read:
Of necessity, make a new start.

"[There's] some who will always press ahead."

Delete the [And] from the line: "And there are others who may just give up."

Shorten [unlike] to like, in the line: those who have quitted when failure loomed
Like those who have quitted when failure loomed.

[There's] a special force that fires the blood

All-in-all, a good piece, ~ Geezer.
.

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