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Love Letter #34

Submitted by CCfire on Sun, 2011-04-03 23:18

after months
you are still
in folds of sweaters

the one i bought
along with your cap

yesterday i smelled of you
because you are in the color blue

i hope my memory
stays clear like
the hot springs

how perfect
is beauty when
seen through the eyes of

someone you loved

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
One in a series of 100
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

CCfire

Mon, 2011-04-04 06:26

CCfire's picture

Yes I would have used more words but the aim of this series is the fact I am writing to people I actually know or knew and the language is simple because it is the way we interacted so I wanted the letters to reflect not only that but also the reader to think about which decade they might be written in..the entire 100 is spanned from teens to now lol but random so only I know who it is and when it was ;) Thank you for your kind comment and advice though, always appreciated.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

CCfire

Mon, 2011-04-04 06:40

CCfire's picture

They are based on a series done by beat poet Anne Waldman, she wrote 300 to people from throughout her life that had touched her, whether a lover, husband. family or friend or even to her alterego Asia which she used as a pen name sometimes. It was such an interesting thing to do I decided to see how many I could garner and 100 was it...I am working my way through them slowly editing but some of the people have either passed on or were fleeting which I think might be the best way to describe them but still had that ripple effect people do when you feel deeply even for the briefest of moments. Thanks J for the kind words.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

CCfire

Mon, 2011-04-04 06:52

CCfire's picture

I found her series while I was staying in LA and emailed her about them she very kindly wrote back and also told me of her teaching at the Jack Kerouac school in Boulder Colorado which I was fortunate enough to visit last year, she is teaching again this summer. I am hoping I can edit these into something worthy of sending out to see if it can be published. I have enjoyed doing them and you are right they are ever evolving. I hope to post more of them here too. I look forward to reading your series as well.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

raj

Wed, 2011-04-06 14:52

love is "simply" & beautifully expressed in this write...

i especially liked these lines..which provide a rocklike foundation to love....

how perfect
is beauty when
seen through the eyes of

someone you loved

raj (sublime_ocean)

CCfire

Wed, 2011-04-06 21:36

CCfire's picture

I don't think 'love' necessarily needs any more than just the obvious and especially when you are writing of someone you knew or know. :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Psyve

Wed, 2011-04-06 15:21

Psyve's picture

This is just beautiful.

"yesterday i smelled of you....because you are in the color blue...." made perfect sense exactly as written and I would not change those lines.

Most of my own work is about people I knew or interacted with, or who had some effect on me in some way.
Interestingly enough, I often felt the compelling need to "encode/ cloak" these references. I developed a penchant for concealing names / events so that only I would know exactly who/ what was being referred to.

Case in point: my song "If you See Kay (A Chessberg)" http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=6238793

Coming back to your poem, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

THIS is poetry that touches me! Thank you for sharing it here.

Psyve

CCfire

Wed, 2011-04-06 21:38

CCfire's picture

Thanks, yes I think people who read these don't need to know anymore than these are about real people, the rest is mine to know lol..Is that song the one the Script did..'tell me if you see kay' Because I love that version of the song, I am a Script fan.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Psyve

Wed, 2011-04-06 23:23

Psyve's picture

Nope
This is a song I wrote a while back myself.
The link above will take you to the lyric and a recording.
P.

themoonman

Thu, 2011-04-07 07:28

themoonman's picture
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I do like this poem ... I think the final line clinched it.
After reading I realized something seems off ... a matter
of tense, I believe if you switched line #2 and #3 around,
(referring to the end of a line at your breaks),
it would make more of an impact, and maybe remove the
"the" before "hot springs".

I too thought the " I smelled of you" made perfect sense,
gave it a real personal feel (for me).

I feel like I should say that I'm not a fan of "numbered series
poetry" ... probably just me, but I do like the title, and I can see
it as a series ... enjoyed dropping in today, thanks for posting !

Richard

Nordic cloud

Tue, 2011-04-26 11:05

Nordic cloud's picture

"how perfect
is beauty when
seen through the eyes of

someone you loved"

We cling to the memories of what was so good that it sustains us in the now that might not be so good; and as you say we, for a short beautiful moment see through other's eyes and in doing so bond with the eyes intensely and beautifully.

LuvAnn

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

CCfire

Tue, 2011-04-26 17:24

CCfire's picture

Ann, I thank you for those words, these are a series of 100 letters I wrote to people I have known or loved that touched me in my life, who knows if they will grow bigger over time. Anne Waldman wrote a series of 300 which if I can find a link to them I will post on a blog so everyone can see where the inspiration came from.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

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