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Submitted by whitetea on 21 November 2007 - 4:29am.| Updated 21 November 2007 - 4:29am.
Style / Type:
freeform
There was something in the way you used to tell it
it was new and pealed,
it had always been waiting
this balance is
one that will find a tightrope.
There was something in the way
I used to hear,
I would sit on the porch.
theres a dream
that fits like a broken reel
where I got to find an
edge and a tool
before there is no coil.
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
(1 vote)
I somehow get the feeling
I somehow get the feeling the title should be “You Gave Me A Seashell”
The last lines confuse me a bit, are you trying to find the beginning and end of the coil in a seashell?
Perhaps you are ironically referring to the futility of finding beginnings and ends?
Don’t quite understand this piece (perhaps I do perfectly) but I like it, it intrigues me.
cheers,
Jess
p.s. don’t know any of the poets you refer to in your profile but intend to look them up.
I meant for it to be a
I meant for it to be a little abstract, I guess.
and thankyou for wandering by.