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NATURE

Submitted by scribbler on Thu, 2011-02-03 20:53

Hunger
the daily companion
motivating the hunter
urging him beyond his endurance
to kill

At last cutting a deer's track
by spoor, a fresh passage
cloven prints in fresh snow
indicating the way to go

Decision :
speed to catch up with the prize
or stealth to insure surprise ?
compromise
rapid progress with still pauses
sixth sense now screaming
heart pounding
pulse racing
mouth watering
prey is near

Time to get down wind of trail

there.....he......is
unaware and slowly feeding
keep a large tree between us
only move when his head is down
old, tired, buck
intent on recouping rut's lost weight
A
L
M
O
S
T
........there
POUNCE !!

As savage teeth tear into throat
savoring salty taste of hot blood
he's down but not yet dead
as feast begins

Later
satiated, meat carried home
to bitch and litter
a good day's hunt

but there will come tomorrow and tomorrow
and renewed hunger

( just realized I had not done my weakly free verse)

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Thu, 2011-02-03 22:21

Dear Stan

the imagery is so vivid that i followed your trail into the wilderness of your imagination. ....

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Fri, 2011-02-04 07:39

hey raj

just thought I'd show that nature is not all pretty and fluffy bunnies.................stan

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2011-02-04 07:40

nature

hope they didn't leave hoof prints on your car hood lol..............stan

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2011-02-04 10:01

nature

form isn't that hard or fancy. glad your encounter didn't result in much damage...............stan

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2011-02-04 10:03

nature

It's convenient to be able to blame heat on being addled lmao. I have a hard time telling difference between blank and free verse...................stan

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2011-02-04 10:57

i don't know about...

the form, but would say that WEAKLY, doesn't describe it! [I'm sure that you meant weekly.] I was held by your tale of the hunt, and was a little surprised to have it turn out to be a wolf that was hunting, and not you. Great work, as usual, ~ Gee

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scribbler

Fri, 2011-02-04 12:42