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My Time...
The hushed hour before dawn
Pastel-pink wash on a sky of robin-egg blue
Just for me
Blackbirds wired like notes in a song
Silhouetted on lamb's-white wall
Radio soft-rock
Girls just wanta have fun
The donut-girl going to work
Neon come on's blink breakfast
Cigarette and coffee in the church parking-lot
Too early for God
Murmers of male voices behind dispatch blare
Buy a car they say
Fly United [heh heh]
Time shares for sale
And I write ...
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Impressions of the start of another taxi-day.
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Comments
judyanne
Fri, 2010-11-05 05:55
hushed
beautiful feel
favourite line - 'Pastel-pink wash on a sky of robin-egg blue'
i can see you sitting there at your computer writing this
makes me feel closer to you
love judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:22
hushed...
Oh no! You mean my spy-ware isn't working? LOL Thank you Judy, that is one of my favorite lines too.
I just love that this makes you feel closer. I guess that is what I am aiming for, to make people feel closer to me through my work. ~ Love ya too, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:31
Color...
or as you say, colour. No matter what the colour, or the weather, I love the hour before dawn. It is a very peacful time of the day. Not many people up and around yet, and the very earth is gathering it's strength to deal with the fuss of humanity. The blackbirds sitting on a wire, seem to look like notes in a sheet of music. The parking lot across from the church is a good place to watch all this happening. Love ya, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:38
painted skies...
I have come this far, in the company of some of the best poets in the world, and you are not the least of them. I learn from watching you all, and I have as much pleasure as anyone in being here. Thank you for being here with me. How was your concert? Be sure and check in often. Love and higgest bugs, to you and yours. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 08:51
time
You captured the peace of day's beginning well here........scribbler
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:40
Thank you sir...
I am glad that I could get what I meant down so that others could share it with me. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
brittle light
Fri, 2010-11-05 09:50
cool style
I like the clear, distinct images , the bevity of each snapshot, as if glimpsed just briefly from, say a taxi. Then I read your "last few words" note!
I like this piece a lot
Is the "Fly United (heh heh)" a private joke?
Al
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:44
yes, it is...
A friend of mine has a T- shirt, that shows two ducks [flying united]. Indeed, that was my intent, to show the scenes in brevity, like snatches of thought, and scenes seen from a taxi. Thank you, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:46
Too early...
for God, is a thought I had in looking at the church, all dark and no one there yet. Thank you for the kind words, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lou
Sat, 2010-11-06 02:41
Gee
Very evocative , I really felt like I was there.
Love ya lou xx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Geezer
Sun, 2010-11-07 18:53
Thank you...
I am glad that you were there, that was my intent, and I am so glad that I succeeded. Next time I will talk to you, and ask you for tea or coffee. If you like coffee, you would like our Dunkin' Doughnuts coffee, and the blueberry muffins are great! We could sit and look at the dawn of the day, and you can meet some of my fares. Love ya, Yoda
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Dalton
Mon, 2010-11-08 16:16
These lines would work very
These lines would work very well just as they are, like a series of haikus if you know what I mean, or altogether as they are, the imagery is quite stunning.
John
Geezer
Fri, 2010-11-26 06:48
Again...
I missed replying to a comment! I must be getting old. Thank you, I might have made Haikus, but opted for this format instead, simply because I wanted to keep the flow, as though un-interrupted thought. Thank you much for the read and comments, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Race_9togo
Mon, 2010-11-08 18:28
Geez
Between each moment of our lives
there lies timelessness of thought
eternities of peace
endless reflections of life's grace.
Guess what
you captured one again.
Most very well done.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Geezer
Thu, 2010-11-18 12:30
Thank you...
The capture of those moments are my writing-life's desire. To have others recognise those moments, make it all worthwhile.
~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Hooded Stranger
Fri, 2010-11-12 16:34
Those hours before dawn
Gee,
I often do my writing in the early hours of the morning, and that last hour before dawn is the most inspiring hour of them all.
I really felt this piece and it was good to know you enjoy the same hour as i do.
Great imagery, perfectly written.
Nice work Gee,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Geezer
Thu, 2010-11-18 12:40
That really...
means something to me. The fact that another writer and poet-friend, feels that my efforts are something to relate to, makes it worth doing. Ever since I was a child, I have had a special relationship with the early-morning hoiurs, and especially the last hour before dawn! It seems as though there is a silent alarm-clock, that wakes the animals and lets the rest of the world sleep for just a little. I try to be still, so that the day doesn't know that I am up yet, and I sometimes get rewarded with the most amazing scenes ! ~ Thank you, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Kailashana2
Thu, 2010-11-18 18:25
This is a lovely, superb poem
This is a lovely, superb poem. Thank you for writing and sharing it.
I'm soooooooooo glad to be back!
~A
p.s. Going back to read the comments it occurred to me that maybe the one thing we have in common is writing pre-dawn. The silence and beauty of sunrise... just before the world starts turning, is incredibly tender. Like this poem,
Geezer
Mon, 2010-11-22 09:47
I'm soooooooo...
glad to see you back. Thank you for the kind words and the sharing of your thoughts. Yes, the pre-dawn hours are the best, they always move me. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
mand
Fri, 2010-11-26 06:52
Beautifully written
Everyone has said what a wonderful poem this is and I agree 100%!!
Thank you for sharing with us.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Geezer
Fri, 2010-11-26 08:28
Thank you...
I am glad that so many people like this one, it shows a few little pieces of who I am, and what I do. And we all want to be loved and understood. Glad to share, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Xavier Sleuth
Tue, 2021-07-27 13:58
Climbed in my head-
And made me live in yours.
This was cool. Really liked it.
-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____
Geezer
Tue, 2021-07-27 15:23
One from...
my taxi-driving days. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.