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Cellar Door
Can you hear it?
Beneath the floor,
Knocking on the cellar door?
It's big and hairy, and just a bit scary.
Not short or small,
Breathing right behind the wall.
At night I hear it down below.
Roars and moans
As it's sorrow grows.
So lonely it must be.
For it's all alone you see?
It has no friends.
Beneath the floor,
It is simply forevermore
And just beyond the cellar door.
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Comments
Keith Logan
Wed, 2017-11-22 00:05
I like this
There is almost a child like innocence to it but it is well crafted.
Keith Logan
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Shyanne18
Wed, 2017-11-22 01:08
I get the "child like"
I get the "child like" Comments on a lot of my poetry so I think maybe my inner poet is a child as well.
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scribbler
Fri, 2017-12-08 14:41
Hi Shyanne
We all have our own monsters don't we? I liked this poem but think it might be a bit more effective if you named the monster....just a thought that rattled out of empty head......stan
Shyanne18
Thu, 2017-12-14 22:30
Thanks Stan. The name is what
Thanks Stan. The name is what I'm struggling with.
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Geezer
Fri, 2018-08-10 05:48
I am going...
to disagree with Stan and say that I think Monster is enough of a name. As we all have our private monsters, it is more likely to connect with the reader if they supply their own monster's name. ~ Geezer.
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Shyanne18
Fri, 2018-08-10 11:38
I think you're right!
Cellar Door is the title for sure!
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Eumolpus
Fri, 2018-08-10 21:01
my take
You set up scene with some cute word play in the first three stanzas which draws the reader in na keep his interest. Then you introduce the "monster" which feels a little Sesame Street to me. I would consider this:
So lonely it must be.
For it's all alone you see?
It has no friends.
Beneath the floor,
It is simply for evermore
And just beyond the cellar door.
Whatever IT is now becomes an opening for the reader to devise his own concept- this sad, hairy, moaning, friendless apparition that is just on the other side of the door... "Monster" is too generic, and I think leaving it abstract works better.
I like the on /off rhymes. Cool idea for a poem.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Shyanne18
Sun, 2018-08-12 14:35
I think you're right!
i like leaving it to the imagination of the reader.
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raj
Sat, 2018-08-11 05:03
you have made subconscious
you have made subconscious thoughts conscious in this poem,,,good craft and language skill .....
..............................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Shyanne18
Sun, 2018-08-12 14:37
thank you
I have no words. just thank you.
The Unknown Poet
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Shyanne18
Sun, 2018-08-12 14:38
gosh thank you
you guys are all so nice!
The Unknown Poet
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