When the darkness threatens to consume you pull you down into the abyss, the chasm that lies in eternal darkness hopeless forsaken, where do you turn to. When the fight becomes too great for you to rise to the occasion. Where the strength you have is ebbing away to weak now to fight and remain victorious. Staring down this gauntlet that has been thrown down before me, one after the other keeps pushing says the voice in the back of my head. Yet now softer it resounds a whisper so faint that it seems to fade without having any impact. The coldness now sweeps through the darkness and the light so distant now that it seems to be over whelmed by the darkness surrounding it further and further it slips away out of reach my out stretched arms reaching out my fingers grasping at the hope that I slowly lose sight of. Fall to my knees alone in the darkness the cold now clutching my chest every day a fight to keep the mask from cracking showing cracks beneath the surface. Yet each day cracks coming to the surface threatening to show the darkness, the emptiness behind the mask I wear to hide my mind to hide my true state, broken individual that lives pretending to be whole. Each step forward harder than the last, sapping more strength from me until I shatter crumble, loose myself to the abyss the chasm of darkness that has always threatened to pull me into its unimaginable depths and claim me for its own. A victim of the darkness that we create but are meant to overcome, yet we do not all overcome our darkness many a soul lost to the darkness that dwells within. Each of us feel we stand alone each of us seem to miss the unseen eyes of those that in which we sub-consciously rely upon. Although even though we rely we don’t not openly seek help and even of those of us that do seek it are not always able to survive the darkness we have created for ourselves. So alone we find ourselves more often than not, alone with our thoughts our demons our past. Are we ever able to truly escape the past the demons the memories that are ingrained into our minds, traumas pleasures pains yearnings passions fears anger and sorrow. Demons manifesting in so many different forms, the people around us the places we go the words spoken the objects that in which resurrect memories both painful and full of sorrow or those that we long to hold or relive. The dark passenger that follows us through all life and experiences drawing on the past emotions, causing them to rise in bursts or remain hidden suppressed and forgotten, all the while fuelling our dark passengers giving them all they need to drag us back into the darkness with them. A few but not all choose to control the dark passenger with suppressing what they do not remember do not feel do not care for does not harm what you have chosen to become. Yet closing out all I feel is something that comes with sacrifice. If to feel is be human and you have created a mind set in which you do not feel how much of your humanity have you sacrificed? To truly understand the crux of the matter one would need to have experience of both ends of the spectrum. From being able to feel emotion intensely and discard all reasoning, logic and rationalisation, to feeling nothing at all, becoming a being of pure logic of reason of structure and order the need to understand why emotive people behave the way they do.
Where am I amongst men or am I less of a human than I want to believe