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Tears
What is a tear but proof that the soul cries.
Today I felt sorrow for the less fortunate,
Driven to the brink of existence and smothered with lies.
Tormented by the reality of life’s inequities and berated
to the lowest level of living and existence.
Does a tear wash away the hurt and pain or
Salvage a wounded soul and lift a sad heart?
Tears are man’s escape from the internal suffering that
Is too hard to bear and can only be relieved with a gift,
like rain on a hot summer’s days cooling the parched earth.
The rain of compassion is the human way of releasing the
Deeply felt sorrows that the soul cannot sustain.
So, we walk this precipitous path between life and death
Always aware that we are human and flawed sustained by,
Our immortal soul tempering our way and guiding our heart!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Sparrow
Tue, 2016-09-06 03:46
Will,
Firstly welcome to Neopoet site, here I hope you will be able to stream your poetry and feel free to express your feelings.
Most here learn from poetry Workshops that are on going.
This write needs to be put into a poetic form, your theme is great and the picture you paint is very good.
Have a look at the various types of poetry forms and read a few classic poems.
There you will find the bones to structure and form, and any help you need just shout at us here..
Great to wak with you, Yours, Ian .T, Yenti, or Sparrow..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Vivovon
Tue, 2016-09-06 23:30
Feelings
I can feel the feelings you put in your poem. The theme is good. I believe a transit from prose to poem needs a time of thinking and tinkering. Welcome to neopoet. I believe you will enjoy your stay.
xxxxx
weirdelf
Sat, 2016-09-10 10:04
William, I've replied to your message,
It would be polite for you to reply to Ian and Sparrow, even if your reply is "fuk U you igerant cunts U cant tel me wot to rite".
At least acknowledge that they have taken the time to comment thoughtfully on your work.
[grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
China Blue
Sun, 2016-09-11 11:21
Tears
The body of the work is thought provoking and interesting Paragraphing would make it easier on the reader. The title however needs work
the first thing a reader sees is the title this is what will spark their interest and bring them to the first line ,which should then keep their interst
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)