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Alone
When it is late at night and you are alone,
the quite surrounds you closing in place.
No sound is adequate to replace the tone
And enchantment of loves distant embrace.
My mind wanders searching for solace
while grasping for a comfortable space.
I feel our need and I extend my power.
Now with great effort we embrace.
Moments like this are part of the magic
that is ours alone to enjoy.
I am with you in our private palace.
Close your eyes and swim in the space.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is a rewrite of a poem with no rhyme and now is intended to provide a beautiful though with both rhyme and free verse.
Editing stage:
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Comments
swamp-witch
Mon, 2017-03-20 13:03
Hey UW,
I really like the imagery of this poem. Being surrounded by quiet, swimming in space, and other images evoke something gentle and whimsical for me, which I think is a lovely way to express what love is like. Love can be something so incomprehensible, something so hard to articulate, but I think you are getting at it here.
Can I ask what made you decide to change it to rhyme and what it was like before? What do you think the rhyme does for this poem? I'm interested because you don't always see much rhyming free verse these days. Because it's an interesting form, it might be that it mirrors this experience of love, which like I mentioned, is sometimes greater than all of us, so it would be worthy of a unique form.
Would love to hear back from you,
Kelsey
Critique, don't comment.
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