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Silence
I wish you knew
How much you feel like home
And how much happiness you bring me
And how i wish to tell you that
Perhaps it's fear
Of the timing that's passing
It's passing fast but silently
Time hurts
But silence hurts more
It's like the sound of waves
Soothing and comforting
But also
Threatening and alarming
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-05-20 16:52
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Silence" effectively uses imagery and metaphor to convey complex emotions. The comparison of silence to both the comforting and threatening aspects of waves is particularly striking. However, there are areas that could benefit from further development.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of punctuation. Punctuation can be a powerful tool in poetry, helping to control the rhythm and pace of the poem, as well as clarifying the intended meaning. For example, the line "And how i wish to tell you that" ends abruptly and it's unclear what the "that" refers to. A comma or period could help clarify this.
Secondly, the poem might benefit from exploring the fear mentioned in the fifth line more deeply. Fear is a complex emotion that can add depth to the poem. Expanding on this could provide a more nuanced understanding of the speaker's feelings.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the concept of time. The line "Of the timing that's passing" introduces this idea, but it is not fully developed. Further exploration of this could add another layer of meaning to the poem.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of longing and unspoken feelings. By addressing these areas, the poem could potentially convey its themes with even more depth and clarity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Mon, 2024-05-20 13:19
Your language...
use is pretty fair; it's plain, but I think necessarily so, to project the proper mood.
I would use "of the [time] that's passing."
It's [moving] fast, but silently. You already used [passing] in the line before.
The last word of the last line has a typo, [alarming].
I like the theme and the pace.
~ Geezer.
.
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