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Senyru Japanese Poetry Workshop

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Wed, 2012-06-06 08:50

Senyru: #1
Dry eyes low vision
Right eye twenty four-hundred
After glaucoma

Senyru: #2
Sooo broken hearted
You walked away with my sun
Tears fall as raindrops

Senyru: #3
It burns in my chest
Back tightens under pressure
Overcome by pain

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Workshop:

Working With Japanese Poetry

Comments

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-06-06 09:43

Barbara

Good bunch of Senyru, I do hope that the others in this workshop pay more attention to the new posts.
As you can see I have put all the information they need for all of it, I am looking forward to our Mammoth piece at the end, have a great day,
Yours, Yenti... Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2012-06-06 13:19

Ian

Thanks I appreciate your support. It means lot.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-06-07 14:30

These are rather fascinating

These are rather fascinating Barbara, there
s much imagery that makes us think in them,
I am not versed in Senyru, so offer no comment
in that connection, but these are well written.
Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-06-19 10:14

I like to see a sense of irony in senryu

these feel personally descriptive, without using the form to make a larger meaning.
The second one is good, but for being a bit cliched

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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Senyru Japanese Poetry Workshop