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Prosaic Memories
Winter looms near, another year has come and gone without you
I dread the shortest day, marking when I said my last farewell
Sometimes I still behold you in my dreams
Revisiting memories that once seemed so prosaic
The sakura bloom, heralding the Spring
Blue herons sing, oh how you loved their music
In Summer scotchbroom pods burst, spreading golden kudzu
And the moon shines bright over Mt. Rainier
The raccoons come back to campus in the Fall
We'd toss our trash and escape those rascals
Then Winter arrives
And I'm crying for you again
You were always there, no matter what I needed
So much strength and resolve
Hidden underneath that distinct giggle
All our friends have stated the same things
And now we're forced to carry on without you
None of us will ever be the same
You live within us
I just hope you knew how much we cared
The sakura bloom, heralding the Spring
Blue herons sing, oh how you loved their music
In Summer scotchbroom pods burst, spreading golden kudzu
And the moon shines bright over Mt. Rainier
The raccoons come back to campus in the Fall
We'd toss our trash and escape those rascals
Then Winter arrives
And I'm crying for you again
Sometimes I pass by your old workplace
And walk inside thinking that I'll see you
The cashier looks confused
And I'm grounded in the harsh reality
It sucks me in like an unstoppable riptide
When I stopped by we'd reminisce about the good times
Now I'm nostalgic for those visits
When I could hear your voice
Spring is here, and it ushers new beginnings
I honor you by living to the fullest
Sometimes I still behold you in my dreams
Revisiting memories that once seemed so prosaic
Style / type:
Free verse
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Last few words:
This poem was written to help process the death of a close friend. My goal is for it to be published in a literary journal, so I would like for it to capture universal feelings of loss and nostalgia.
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Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Washington, United States
Favorite Poets
William Blake, Khalil Gibran, Jorge Luis Borges, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Emily Dickinson, Don Freas, Jackie Morris, Nathalie Kuroiwa-Lewis
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-03-22 05:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem demonstrates a strong grasp of imagery and emotion, using the changing seasons as a metaphor for grief and remembrance. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality and flow.
The repetition of the stanza about the seasons is effective in reinforcing the cyclical nature of grief, but the poem might benefit from varying the language or imagery slightly in the second iteration to reflect the progression of time or the speaker's evolving emotional state.
The poem's language is generally clear and evocative, but there are a few instances where the word choice seems slightly off. For example, the phrase "spreading golden kudzu" might be confusing to readers unfamiliar with the term "kudzu," which is a type of invasive vine.
The poem's narrative could be strengthened by providing more specific details about the person being remembered. While there are hints about this person's character and the speaker's relationship with them, more concrete details could help readers connect more deeply with the poem's emotional content.
Finally, the poem could benefit from a more powerful ending. The last line repeats a phrase used earlier in the poem, which can be an effective way to create a sense of closure. However, the phrase "revisiting memories that once seemed so prosaic" might not carry enough emotional weight to serve as the poem's final statement. The ending might be more impactful if it offered a new insight or image related to the poem's themes of grief and memory.
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Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-03-22 07:57
Dear Steamboat Denny,
I hope your wish comes true, I wish it too, for you and your good friend. your poem is very poignant. and your imagery is clear. My favorite lines are:
You were always there, no matter what I needed
So much strength and resolve
Hidden underneath that distinct giggle
All our friends have stated the same things
And now we're forced to carry on without you
None of us will ever be the same
You live within us
I just hope you knew how much we cared
they speak for themselves!
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
It is very nice to meet you. I hope to read more of your work in the days ahead. welcome to Neopoet!
*
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Steamboat_Denny
Sat, 2024-03-23 00:59
Good to meet you
Thank you so much for your kind words!
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2024-03-23 09:40
A very...
poignant story, that lets the reader know that a valued member of your clique, your group is gone. Nicely done, ~ Geezer.
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